Finding My Way Through it All

In a little over eight hours I will be on my way to receive my final chemotherapy infusion and will not receive another until, at the soonest, early September. Yes, I am indeed counting the hours until I receive my treatment. And definitely excited about being free of those side effects once I get through this last treatment.

To tell you the truth, right now I'm watching the Boston Celtics absolutely thrilled, spraying one another with champagne as they celebrate their championship victory and I'm soaking up as much of their joy as I possibly can. I love seeing people absolutely thrilled about their victories. It's contagious and I fell like I am celebrating a victory my own.

Many times as I type a blog entry, it's as I type it that I begin to see what I have learned from my experience. And it's been these most recent blog entries that have provided me the opportunity to distinguish what I am truly committed to outside of my #1 commitment which is my family. I'm really excited to transform our current cultural conversation about cancer. How am I going to do it? I don't know and I'm clear I don't need to know right now. Because what's possible for people with cancer, should the cultural conversation become a positive and exciting one, is way too thrilling to not give it everything I have. I'll just put one foot in front of the other and find my way as each opportunity reveals itself. And they always do.

And I've said it bfore and I'll say it again. I'm not talking about "being happy 24/7" because that's not real to me. It's about each time coming back to what I'm committed to and choosing to find the joy in my life right now, regardless of my circumstances, because I will always have circumstances that provide all the proof I need to be miserable. Life is never short of tragedy. "The News" has all the misery and pain you could ever ask for. They'll even give you seconds and you don't even have to behave yourself to get 'em. And I will continue to choose to find the gift in whatever circumstances come my way. And by the way, help me out when you see me losing sight of it all, because I'm still pretty new to the idea and I'm clear I can't do it on my own. I need a lot more practice. And you know, if you didn't read the blog, I would have no reason to write it. I would still write in my journal, but sharing my experience, openly from my heart with you and every one else to see, is what provides me so much peace and inspiration. It wouldn't be available were it not for you. So, thank you.

And it's those blog comments that just warm my heart. I love hearing from you. I have the blog set up to send me an email each time a comment is entered in the blog. And each time I see I have another blog comment email to review, I open up the email like a little kid unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning. And no, it doesn't have to be an inspirational message. I just love hearing from you. It makes this process far easier for me and I thank you for that.

So, I'll go in tomorrow for my chemo treatment and I will come home with the 5-FU pump attached to my port and I will return to the hospital on Friday to have it removed. And then I will find my way through the week or so of side effects that follow. Maybe I'll do a blog entry or two. It's tough to find the energy to do it immediately following the chemotherapy. But I don't want you to think anything is wrong, which often happens when I don't post an entry for a while. And honestly, I really appreciate that. I would want to know you were okay if the tables were turned. So, I'll make sure to get something posted. Minimally, to let you know that I'm okay and simply finding my way through it all.