Sunday, December 30, 2007

Covering A Lot of Territory

Yesterday, Daniela told me that it's nice to have me back. She said my energy has returned and that I hadn't been like this since before I went to Mexico. That was good to hear - that I am progressing. Today, after a minute or so of conversation with me, my Mom said she was stunned by the energy she saw in me and she also said she hadn't seen me like this since before I went to the clinic. I don't feel a whole lot different, but I am also clear that being in the thick of it for so long with so many ups an downs can make it more difficult for me to notice the changes that others observe.

I am also happy to report that I have successfully done the Castor Oil treatment four times now, and Sunday (12/30) will be the fifth. Each time I have ingested a little more Castor Oil. On Sunday, I will ingest 2/3 of the standard dose and I look forward to another success.

I am up to four coffee breaks a day which is a huge break through for me. I was not doing even three because of the pain/soreness I experienced. Clearly, being off of the pharmaceuticals has resulted in my having less pain. Now that may sound a little odd, but Gerson Therapy is so cleansing that even pain killers eventually contribute to pain due the build up of the toxic chemicals within them and these toxins irritate the tumor (as well as inhibit the effectiveness of the enzymes ingested in the daily juices. Another reason I am able to do four enemas a day is that I do sitz baths in Chamomile tea with a splash of hydrogen peroxide to reduce soreness and I am happy to say it works quite well. [Did I mention that in a previous entry? Maybe...ah, well.] The Chamomile sitz baths really work quite well. Hmm. Chamomile Tea: I use it in my sitz baths; I drink in it lieu of water as well as to neutralize toxic bile passing through my intestines; and I use in it my coffee enemas to soothe the tumor and prevent irritation. Very useful tea, Chamomile. Amazing how it seems to...well...cover a lot of territory in this therapy.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

...With Deep Gratitude

I have had wonderful days lately. On Sunday I was re-presenced to the huge opportunity this cancer provides me. The opportunity to transform how I live my life: how I eat, how I sleep, how I think...how I love the people dearest to me... I could probably go on and on, but I think you get the idea.

So much of my life prior to this diagnosis, was focused on convenience. I did what I wanted to do and even when I could feel it wasn't best for me, I forced my way through because I wanted what ever it was I wanted: a few extra cocktails were compensated for with more coffee in the morning; skipped lunch so I could get more done at the office and then drank soda or coffee to push me through to dinner. "Oops! I can't wait until dinner - I'm starving and Burger King's right there - it will hold me over." "Hmm...it's bed time but I really want to watch the rest of this movie. I'll just sleep in a little later, power up with coffee and eat breakfast in the car." Living half the time unconscious and unaware and the other half unwilling to do what my body needs created a limited life - limited to managing a lot of...a lot of what is just unnecessary and it pulls at me and keeps me from the things most dear to me. To always push myself this way didn't allow for me to enjoy so many moments of my life because so much of it was being spent managing my self-created suffering.

Since my diagnosis, my entire day is spent listening to my body (minus a few of the times you read where I was...um...pushing myself too hard) and as a result of listening to my body, I am clear that I just don't have the constitution to live like I used to. Am I saying that was the cause of my having cancer? Not at all. If that was the case, tons of 37 year old men would have cancer, so thank God that is not the case! But the cancer got me to see that there is a far more enjoyable life available to me when I slow down and participate in those things that are truly important: #1 family; #2 health; #3 peacefulness throughout my day.

Peacefulness while I am with my family, i.e., getting ready in the morning and enjoying being with them, rather than rushing through the house and out the door with no time to spare because I did not get a sufficient nights rest and tried to make up for it by sleeping longer than I have time for. Lately, going at my body's pace has provided happiness...and sometimes it's not happiness because I do resist sometimes, but it does provide me with ease. It doesn't mean I'm not going to live with the passion that I have always lived with. That ain't ever gonna change!!! I just see that there's far more available to me out doing fewer things well than many things adequately and being a wonderful father, husband, brother and son is something I am committed to doing quite well. And that is certainly different from what I experienced nine or so months ago when I was just spreading myself far too thin - who I'm committed to being just wasn't an option the way I was doing it. The opportunity to have this realization and have grow within me, because I am home healing myself of cancer, is something I experience with deep gratitude.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

My Body's Pace

Christmas was wonderful and I am feeling great. So many things are going well right now. Coffee breaks have become far more tolerable since I have found a technique that allows me ease in the process of retaining them for the full twelve minutes: two different visualization techniques and taking the coffee in two parts. Because of my success with this technique, I went and tried to retain the whole thing at once this afternoon. I retained it for almost 12 minutes...and I was sore after that because I had been struggling to do so. Another example of me pushing myself beyond a great success. It's tough to give that up. It's an old habit, but not a healthy one. So, again I will listen to my body one more way - going at my body's pace.

Also, when I stopped taking Nexium (antacid) I started taking DGL (De-Glycyrrhizinated Licorice) which is 100% natural and doesn't have any negative impact on my therapy. I took two with each meal until today for which I took one. In a couple days I wil take none. I look forward to having a healed stomach and being able to eat raw onions and tomatoes - SALSA! - can't wait. It's very exciting to be on my way back to healthy again.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

Good Signs

I have eaten salad for the last week and I am loving it. I haven't eaten salad in about 9 months because all that roughage had been...well...a little tough on the old tumor. I'm guessing the thing must be shrinking because now I can eat salad with no problem. And it definitely adds to the meal, which I am happy to announce has been a pleasure to eat lately. Okay, maybe not a pleasure, but I eat my meals without a problem lately and considering that I used to just stare at my plate and get nauseas (!!!) it sure feels good to have salad added to an already good meal.

Another good sign is a change that I didn't even realize had happened. For the first six months of this therapy, I experienced dull pain in my legs - from my hips to the bottoms of my feet - following every coffee break. Yes, I said every coffee break. It would usually last for a half-an-hour or so. For what I'm guessing has been the last few weeks, I have had no leg pain what so ever. It just dawned on me one day - "Where's my leg pain?"And it gets better. I told Charlotte about it and she said the pain was a result of the tumor touching nerves. Well, if the pain no longer exists, I'm led to believe that this tumor of mine just might be shrinking.

So Many Wondeful Gifts

We received some wonderful news today. Friends of ours have made an agreement to provide housing to one of their family friends in exchange for that person providing 15 hours of support here in our home each week. Now don't get me wrong, plenty of folks have been incredibly generous in so many ways and I could type pages just letting you know about the boundless generosity we experience from all that so many of you provide [hmm...maybe I should do that sometime] but this just happened at a time that Daniela and I really needed a hand.

As I stated in entry below, Kate's last day was Friday and with her gone, there is A LOT more for Daniela and our helping hands to do around here. I helped out this evening, but I can’t help all the time and there's never any telling when I'm going to have a detox flare-up and be down for a few days. So, this just couldn't have been at a better time. A little pre-Christmas Christmas gift.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Joy and Ease

Friday was Kate's last day and it was difficult to see her go. Having Kate in our home wasn't just beneficial because she did an excellent job. (And by the way...Kate did an excellent job.) Kate's presence here was a contribution to our household as a result of who she is as a person. She brought joy and ease into our home and now is definitely a time when joy and ease go a long way. Joy and ease was in the work she did and it was in the way she communicated. Kate brought plenty of laughter and playfulness as well as a healthy amount of sarcasm (a necessary evil in our home).

Fortunately, Kate is a local person so we look forward to seeing her again soon - on the schedule!!! [ha-ha!] Kate was here with us because she simply wanted to be a contribution. Isn't that something? Oh yeah. I made Daniela check her references after the interview because I was certain this woman was out of her mind (the cat's out the bag now, Kate). I was wrong and thrilled to be at that.

Kate thank you for giving us your time and your energy as well as the peace and comfort that you bring with you where ever you go. And thank you Jeff for agreeing to you wonderful wife's request to let her come live with us as a part of our team. Have a wonderful Christmas. We love you and we miss you already.

Boundless Generosity

We received some wonderful news today. Some friends of ours - a couple - recently took on a long-term house guest. In exchange for his stay, they asked him to provide us 15 hours of support here in our home each week. Now don't get me wrong, plenty of folks have been incredibly generous in so many ways and I could type pages just letting you know about the boundless generosity we experience from all that so many of you provide [hmm...maybe I should do that sometime] but this just happened at a time that Daniela & I were starting to get pretty nervous. Kate's last day was Friday and I will certainly share how wonderful it was to have her here, but now that she is gone, there's A LOT more for Daniela to do around here. I helped out this evening, but there's never any telling when I'm going to have a detox flare-up and be down for a few days. So, meeting this guy (plus his two friends who will also help out) just couldn't have been at a better time.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Time for Your Castor Oil!

So, I did my first castor oil treatment today which consists of taking castor oil orally and then followed five hours later with a castor oil enema (which is my normal coffee enema plus two tablespoons of castor oil) to draw out the castor oil that has passed through the digestive track. Now, it's important to note that I did a modified version of the treatment because I only took one teaspoon of castor oil orally (one-sixth of the normal amount) and I ingested it in a gel capsule as opposed to drinking it straight. The gel cap was so it would be easy on my stomach and small amount of castor was so it would be easy on the way out - apparently the castor oil can really sting on the way out because of the toxins it collects moving through the digestive system. Where the concern lies for me is that the sting could be much worse because it passes directly over the tumor as it passes out of the body, so we started with ingestion of a very small portion of castor.

With all that now understood, I am happy to report that the castor oil in no way bothered my stomach and didn't sting at all on the way out. So, since castor is an every other day treatment, my next treatment will be on Monday and I will increase the amount of castor to two or three teaspoons and see how that passes through me.

Charlotte makes it very clear that the castor oil part of Gerson Therapy is an essential component and I've slowly begun to incorporate it into my program. I am clear that I will be ridding my body of this tumor much sooner than later and I am very excited about that.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Christmas Cuteness

I just had to share this with you. It is so incredibly cute and it shows you the kind of joy I have in each day!

video

Next time I'll move all of the unnecessary items out of the way. I'm still a newbie with the video camera...

Friday, December 14, 2007

This Morning's Ultrasound

I have just arrived home from my ultrasound and it appears that I have Cholelithiasis and Cholecycstitis also known as gall stones and an inflamed gall bladder (clearly from passing a large stone or more on Monday night).

I have an appointment with a General Surgeon next week to review my options.

I can now say with certainty that passing gall stones is something you NEVER want to experience. It's Friday and I'm still sore from it. I am curious to hear from a woman who has given birth and also passed gall stones to find out how they compare (since giving birth is something I have yet to do and likely will not do in this life time). Considering the pain I was in on Monday, it's got to be at least a close second.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Flare-Up Day Three

I thought I'd let you know that I am on day three of a really lousy detox flare-up which began on Monday at 10 PM with what felt like my liver or gall bladder trying to pass something for, oh, 7 hours! Yeah, a bit tough. So, now I am trying to sleep and "movie" my way through a "flu & cold" symptom flare-up that started on Tuesday afternoon, not to mention the upper-right quadrant of my abdomen is still quite sore.

This is the third time I have had the brutally painful experience of passing something through my liver or gall bladder or what ever it is (but the first two only lasted one hour). So, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that will hopefully be immediately followed by a ultra-sound so I have can have some clarification as to what is happening and if I'm really lucky, figure out how to never have to experience this again.

I've written as much as I can handle - the aches and pains are wearing me down. I'll write more on another day. If you're in Upstate New York, enjoy the snow. It's beautiful from in here...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Time Slipped Past Me

Wow, I haven't posted anything in a week - whoops! Sorry. It's been a tough week for me and I'm sure that's why I forgot to write. Honestly, I spent the last week worried about the repercussions for increasing my coffee when I wasn't supposed to. Worried about what I had gotten myself into. The pain is definitely way down, so it's not like I should be worried. But I just was. And of course beneath all of that is the question: Has the tumor shrunk? Is the cancer disappearing. There are just some days that I start to wonder and I guess this last week seemed to have a lot of those days.

On a better note, I spoke to Dr. Cervantes on Saturday and he said I'll be just fine. I am doing two coffee breaks instead of three and eight juices instead of ten. Dr. Cervantes had no concern about the pain and saw it merely as a temporary set back. He said it would just be a matter of time with consistent bed rest and patience - something I'm a bit familiar with.

It does feel good to have Christmas coming up. We have a little Christmas music on each day. I love the traditional songs I grew up with and of course we put on some fun Christmas carols for the kids. Our one year old seems to enjoy them more then the nine year old who occasionally rolls his eyes (although he does enjoy joining us when ever we sing them to the little one!).

Monday, December 3, 2007

Appetite At Last

I have been happily eating my meals for the last month or so - with plenty of appetite and enjoying what's on my plate. Now, I'm not going to pretend it's what I want on my plate, but I am happy to eat it. Part of that has to do with some nice recipes and some delicious combinations of food Daniela has found - she's amazing.

I also feel completely satisfied once I have finished my meal. Quite a nice, new and different experience for me. Daniela has also found a nice Gerson baked apple & oats desert that I have for desert almost every night with the 8 oz. of plain, fat-free organic yogurt I am required to eat every night.

Speaking of meals, it's tijme for dinner. Gotta go!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Gratitude

In the last few days I have been having some major relief. It seems that reducing the juices to six per day and coffee breaks to two per day has greatly reduced the amount of toxins coming into contact with the tumor...the tumor. Lately that word has been one that I find less desirable to type or say out loud. And that's, no doubt, a result of my still hanging on to what I thought my healing on Gerson Therapy would look like. When I decided to go to Mexico, I told my supervisor that I would be out of work for a month and then back at the office managing the therapy while I work my forty-plus hours a week.

So where am I now? Not even close to that. Is there a feeling of disappointment for me? Yes, there is. But I'm clear it's not based on the effectiveness of this therapy. It based on my expectation that the therapy would look a certain way or happen at a certain rate, specifically, not how it looks right now or the rate at which it's happening right now. So, my practice, as it has been from the beginning, is again letting go of my expectations of life looking or happening a certain way. When I step back and look at everything a little more objectively, I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have this therapy available to me and to have Dr. Cervantes available to me to turn things around when I have problems like the pain I am currently managing and seemingly disappearing.

I would also like to say it's a privilege to have the support I have from so many of you each day. Daniela, the boys and I thank you for all you provide for us.

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On another note, it feels like I've been far away from the blog lately and it gives me a good feeling to be writing and updating you again. We received a nice soft blanket of snow today along with the edges of the creek beginning freeze up a little. It's very pretty (especially from inside of our cozy little house - knowing I'm not going anywhere right now!)