Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Optimum Health & Wellness (Entry Updated on 1/30/08 @ 1 PM)

Ten years ago I stopped meditating, stopped eating organic food, stopped being a vegetarian, and much more... I completely gave up on many of the things I believed in. In retrospect I can see it was because I wasn't doing all of these healthy things because I was inspired by what they made available. I was doing them because I believed that to not meditate was unhealthy and to not eat organic was unhealthy and to not be vegetarian was unhealthy... You see very little of what I was doing for my health was because I was inspired to do it. I did it to avoid the alternative. You can imagine it was a pretty exhausting way to live - being against so many things.

One thing I have been unwilling to post (at least I think I haven't posted it) is my belief that this cancer is a "knock at my door." It was a way to wake me up and get me back on the path I turned away from 10 years ago. "Hello??? Are you going to return to what you were here for or are you going to continue down the same road and let this cancer take you out?" Now to be clear, I am speaking for no one but myself. I will not make an assumption about anyone else and the source of their wellness or lack of. However, I am clear that, for me, this cancer is an opportunity. I believe it is an opportunity to achieve something through living. Granted I'm a bit attached to idea of life so if the cancer was for some other purpose, I am not able to see it. Yet to be quite honest, I truly believe I am meant to heal myself - body in tact - 100%.

So this evening, I was speaking to my sister about how cancer is showing up in one in three Americans and appears to be on the rise to one in two. I shared with her my concerns about the toxicity of our food - from the fertilizer, to the pesticides, herbicides, all the -cides, the processing of it and then all the things that go into animal raising and my concerns about foods that are not organic and blah blah blah. We wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye and it was about 2 hours later I called her back and apologized for leaving the conversation on that note. That was the same conversation I was having 10 years ago - the "those things are bad" conversation. So, I let her know I am committed to speaking about what is possible out of doing what I believe is best for me or the world around me - not what I believe I should do to avoid what is not good for me.

When Mother Theresa was asked if she would march against the war in Vietnam, she refused. However, she said if there was ever a march for peace she would indeed be a part of it. That's the conversation I am committed to having - for something - pro-whateveritisIbelievein!

So, I called my sister back and completed the conversation with my her by sharing what I see possible out of a commitment to optimum health and wellness. It felt much better and it's the same perspective from which I view the arrival of my cancer. It's all about the context. If the context from which I live is not empowering, it's not going to forward anything - it will only disempower me. So, when I consider what brought on cancer, I have lost interest in conversations about luck or the odds or genetics. Sure they are all possible reasons for the onset of cancer and I don't feel empowered by any of them. The context that has me feel empowered is cancer that arrived for a purpose - in my case, to bring on the transformation of life - not the destruction of it.

Optimum health & wellness is what I am up to with the Gerson Therapy and it is the path I have chosen with Daniela and for our children.

A Little Stunned From it All

I believe I passed a kidney stone from around 1 - 2 am on Sunday night. Yeah - exactly. This is getting a little crazy. And it gets better. Either the same stone made a little more progress yesterday evening or a new stone found its way out. I believe a very powerful dose of narcotics recently prescribed to me for gall stones may have had some part in the disappearance of yesterday's pain.

Rectal pain, gall stones, now kidney stones... Holy Christmas! The good news is that this is not a standard part of Gerson Therapy...I think that's the good news...or not...I'm not sure. Is it good news that only I experience these things? Okay, so it is good news that it's not expected in Gerson Therapy. I just don't care for the idea that it's something I am experiencing all on my own because if that's the case, why in heavens am I passing every kind of stone possible. Let's hope there are no other types of stones to pass. Heck maybe I'll be the first to pass a brand new kind of stone - that noone has ever heard of!!! Just kidding. It's difficult for me to even begin to process thoughts of why this is happening because I am still processing the fact that it even happened - period. Who passes kidney stones and gall stones all in the same few months?

Maybe it's normal, but to be quite honest about the whole thing, I do feel a little beaten down with all this pain. Because we're not talking headaches and chronic back pain which is indeed a lousy experience. We're talking 100% debilitating rediculousness. If you think it's tough to pass a gall stone, kidney stones are another grade higher because with kidney stones you have the added experience of an internal sharp pain in addition to the outrageously intense dull pain that one experiences with gall stones. It's kind of like a two-for-one if you think about it. As you might imagine, I am now carrying a bottle of narcotics with me where I go because there is no way on God's green earth I am going to pass another stone of any kind without some serious pain killers.

I imagine I may have more to share about this later, but right now I'm still a bit stunned from it all - not to mention a little stoned after two days of powerful narcotics. And as far as my Castor Oil goes - please! I'm not going to intentionally give myself hours of the stinging runs while there is still the strong possibility of being doubled over, sweating bullets and passing a kidney stone at the same time. Yeah, that's quite an image, huh? We'll just pass on that option for now. Juice please!

By the way - if my experience on Gerson Therapy is your litmus test for the experience of the therapy overall...well...let's just say right now I'm laughing out loud. Goodness gracious - I doubt I'm the best candidate for that role. Stick to the books: A Cancer Therapy: Results of Fifty Cases and Healing the Gerson Way.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Had I Followed My Gut...(cont'd)

Considering that I get emotionally charged after I read my January 5, 2008 entry, I thought it best to let you know how I feel about the whole thing.

Initially, I was furious. The notes written by my Colo-rectal doctor, who examined me and diagnosed me, stated that the doctor who diagnosed me with hemorrhoids (4x), followed a "very conservative approach." I think we can all read between those lines. As angry as I was, I was also clear that once I found it in my heart to forgive him, I would be free from all the judgment and anger that only poisons the mind. And I was also clear that I was no where close to forgiving this guy.

My Gastroenterologist (the doctor who did my colonoscopy) is a colleague of my doctor and said he was certain my doctor would be very upset when he found out that I had cancer and he had missed it. I asked my Gastroenterologist if he would talk to my doctor and be certain that he understood the gross error he made so no one would ever have to go through what I was going through. As time went on, I chose to believe that he must have felt terrible for his incredibly bad judgment. It only angered me to think otherwise and being angry for a prolonged period of time not only provided nothing positive for me and my family, but is indeed an unhealthy way to live - physically, mentally, emationally. So, I chose compassion for him as the first step toward forgiveness.

Not long after I returned home from the clinic, in my frustration from being so tied down, I left the house and went to a movie (I actually snuck out when Daniela wasn't looking!). On the way to the movie I stopped at a local health food store on the outskirts of town and guess who walked in? My doctor. I looked at him - didn't recognize him at first and went back to what I was doing. It suddenly hit me who I saw and I whipped my head back to confirm who I believed I saw. At that moment, he dropped his head and quickly walked to the back of the store. So I waited.

He eventually headed for the exit by which I was intentionally standing - his head facing the ground. I called to him, "Hey, Doc" and he stopped and said, "Hi." I said, "I want you to know that I know your intentions were my best interest. I would like to have had this conversation sooner, but as you can probably imagine, it's been very difficult for me and I just wasn't ready to come speak to you." He stared at me expressionless - eyes in a glaze - no movement whatsoever. I asked him, "You do know who I am, right?" He quickly replied, "Yes, I know who you are. How are you feeling?" At that point my insides went into knots and my emotions shot out of control in my mind. "I'm doing quite well," I said. To which he quickly said goodbye. I bought some organic apples and went out to my car.

I would like to point out I am clear there was a lot I could say in that moment. I decided it was best that I keep my mouth shut as opposed to saying something I would regret and only end up "cleaning up" later.

As I drove out of the parking lot I screamed profanity - just a single word - as loud as could come out of my mouth. I could not believe that he didn't even acknowledge the smallest - even teeniest - bit of remorse for his gross oversight. I didn't care that to do so could incriminate him. I wanted humanness. I wanted to be looked in the eye and given the courtesy one provides another when gross oversight results in real possibility of death. And, in all seriousness, I am clear that was a tall order. Even more importantly, it was an expectation of another to live by my values which will almost always result in my disappointment. But in that moment, I didn't care.

Can you put all your fears and concerns aside, look me in the eye and honor me with integrity? I guess not...

I believe him to be a good person even if his error was terrible. And I believe it is his own eyes that he must look into each morning and know that he said nothing to me - that his integrity is "out." I believe that as his children grow and he teaches them honesty and integrity, deep in the back of his mind will exist the knowledge that he passed up an opportunity to put his integrity back "in" when he saw me - not once, but twice. Yes, I saw him a second time from across a room and he said nothing. And you want to know what? My thoughts about his experience of this are quite romantic and poetic even. And for all I know, he saw his error, washed his hands of it and took his wife & kids to Ponderosa for All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Night.

What do I know? Sometimes I'm angry. Other times I am simply glad it was not me who made such a profoundly significant error. When I am operating from my higher self, I wish only joy, health and peace of mind to all who exist. That's a tough place to be when Death himself lurks in the shadows of my existence. Fortunately, I have no plans to meet him in any time soon.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Had I Followed My Gut...

I have decided it is necessary to share with you what led me to have the exam through which my cancerous tumor was discovered. When I first created this blog, I didn't mention my pre-diagnosis experience because I was too angry and felt it better to simply inform you of my current status and leave it at that.

Since that time, I have come to realize the importance of giving you the full story because of the difference it might make for you should you find yourself dealing with potentially serious health issues. Not all of the dates are necessarily exact, but they are relatively close and reflect my experience more than sufficiently.

In March of 2006, I was passing red blood on a regular basis. Nothing more than what shows up as a result of hemorrhoids. I didn't give it much thought. In June of 2006, with the encouragement of Daniela, I decided to see my doctor about it. He gave me a digital exam and determined I had hemorrhoids and recommended I increase my fiber intake. Feeling reassured, I did exactly that.

In September of 2006, I returned to my doctor because the bleeding had persisted and slightly increased. He again did a digital exam and again recommended more fiber - this time he recommended Metamucil. When I asked if there were any procedures I could do to remove the hemorrhoids and thus stop the bleeding, he recommended I avoid such procedures because they were awfully uncomfortable and worth avoiding if i could.

In November of 2006, I returned to my doctor because the bleeding had increased to the point that I would occasionally pass blood while passing gas. He again gave me a digital exam and again said to keep up with the fiber. And again he encouraged me to avoid hemorrhoid removal procedures because they were awfully uncomfortable.

In January of 2007, I returned to my doctor because the bleeding was at an all time high and I was actually having to manage the blood I was passing, i.e., I would pass gas and thus blood at random times throughout the day. I told my doctor I was referring to these hemmorhoids as "Old Faithful" because the bleeding was so constant and just about spraying out of me. He again recommended I avoid the hemorrhoid removal procedures and prescribed me an anti-inflammatory suppository.

In February of 2007, I made an appointment with a Physician's Assistant (because my doctor was not available that day) and requested a referral to a General Surgeon for an exam. The following week I was seen by a General Surgeon. He gave me a digital exam and immediately asked, "Do you have a history of cancer in your family?" He scheduled me for a colonoscopy two days later. My colonoscopy was on a Friday. On the following Monday, I was informed that I had Stage II Rectal Cancer.

I'm sure you may have wondered as you read this why I didn't do anything sooner. The reason is simple: I followed my doctor's recommendations and trusted that he knew best. He has been practicing for many years and at 36 years old, I was happy to follow his recommendation because I believed I was far too young to have any "real problems." Hindsight is indeed 20/20.

What did I learn from all of this? If I want to live a long and healthy life, I must be responsible for my own health care. Now let me clarify - not the only one responsible, but responsible in the sense that I view my doctor as a partner, not as the one who knows best. Prior to diagnosis, my relationship with my doctor was one where he is the authority who has been well-trained and I am best off following his directions. What I can see now that I didn't see then is that I was willing to sidestep my own intuition because I'm not a doctor. However, as you read, it was the action I took that had my cancer discovered - not following my doctor's orders.

I am not anti-doctor - I am grateful for doctors and believe they are very necessary. I am just no longer willing to blindly put my life in the hands of another person regardless of their training. My commitment is to get as much information from my doctor as possible. Then refer to credible outside sources and make my decision based on all the facts. Interesting word - "credible." In all that I read in the allopathic references, Gerson Therapy is far from credible. Thus research requires an ability to sift through what is referred to as true and false; it required Daniela and me to read between the lines of what was being printed. It is a time consuming process especially when the researcher must sift through information that is geared to financially benefit the group or groups that are presenting it.

A doctor's oversight resulted in my cancer growing unbeknownst to anyone for nine months - nine very unnecessary months. Had I listened to my gut, three months after that, I could have been diagnosed six months earlier. I hope your knowledge of my experience will inspire you to take on your health care with vigor if you do not already do so.

In the Hands of Angels

I have to say it feels great to have such a positive attitude again. My attitude fluctuates and when it comes to feeling down, pain has been a strong catalyst in my life. However, lately I am so excited about my body healing that the pain is not impacting me emotionally. Let's be honest - pain along side a life threatening disease can easily feel real scary. Keep in mind the pain isn't terrible - it's just a lot of discomfort that's a result of the detox but it's a consistent enough low-grade pain that it gets annoying. Another truth is that the pain gets more annoying when I put off a coffee break or a sitz bath because I want to "finish what I'm doing." Well the good thing to remember is that in Gerson Therapy, pain is often a good thing - not always, but often. Because it means I'm detoxing and that is absolutely fantastic!

As I reflect, it seems that I am also able to stay positive when I am not feeling well because 1) I chose to take on a positive attitude during these times and 2) because I forgave myself for having cancer. The impact of that choice was subtle, but I believe it was powerful. There are many decisions I made throughout my life that could have contributed to my current state and I don't need judgment about it lurking around in my head. It's so easy to judge ourselves for past decisions and it's just as easy to not notice that judgment and instead just view it as "what is so" as opposed to what it really is - a judgment and assessment about how life could have been done differently. Well, I have forgiven myself for my past mistakes. My job is not to be perfect but to learn and grow and that's exactly what I am doing.

In what way has this cancer diagnosis been a contribution to my life? I have far more compassion for others. I find it much easier to cry when I hear of another's pain. Two days ago, I found out that a good friend's 19 year old brother was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. What did I do? I cried. How could I not?

In the past, I would have felt sad but likely not the desire to cry or if I did feel it, I would not let it out. I have come to realize that tear ducts and the ability to cry is not a random occurrence, but rather a form of access to my heart. Not to mention I believe it is also a form of toxin release. As I sat with my father as he was dying (about five years ago), I found that each time I cried, an aching in my body went away. After a while, if I felt the ache building up, I would simply presence myself to the coming loss of my father and I would cry and the ache disappeared. That's a beautiful thing.

Initially it was easier to not cry about things in life - it was already turned off. Heck I used to watch the movie The Champ just so I could get myself to cry, otherwise I couldn't because it was buried so deeply inside me. As of late, it is actually harder to not cry. And when I think of the teachings of the greatest spiritual teachers, it seems that compassion for others is far more present for me when my capacity to cry is not blocked by insecurities about how my crying will occur to others. Heck, prior to diagnosis, I would never even share anything like this in public - are you kidding me??? Well, I love that I feel so free to cry nowadays. It's a privilege and it keeps me present to the glorious gift we call LIFE.

Looking into the eyes of others and being willing to share my heart and being open to yours - it's like falling in love with people all the time. No, I would still pass on having cancer (thank you very much), but I can not express how grateful I am for the gifts that have come with it; it did not come alone, but in the hands of Angels. We are indeed blessed in this life with all that we receive. The world does not change - we do.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Castor Oil Surprise (Not a casserole)

My Castor Oil experience went quite well today. Most likely because I slept through four of the five hours it moved through my system. Reason being, I was up until 5 AM last night. So, I slept until noon today once I ingested the Castor Oil. Tuesday night I was up a lot and very late into the night, so I slept in until 10 AM yesterday. casserole

It was four hours after I did my Castor/coffee enema that the sting finally showed up. It was a nice surprise to have the stinging only last a couple of hours...I think. Naturally, I ran to the commode pretty regularly for the duration but less sting is a good thing.

As far as the lack of sleep goes, had I done a sitz bath last night I think I would have slept easier, but my mind just wasn't going there as it was "the middle of the night" and I wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep. Kind of a funny thought process, but what do you expect from a person who's half asleep?

Emotionally, I feel great and physically I have lots of energy - more than I've had since last May when I went ot the clinic. It feels good to be me again. It's just a matter of time before I get over this "hump" and the pain is gone. Yes, I dislike tolerating pain so regularly and I am clear that it is part of my detox process

Monday, January 21, 2008

Castor Oil Post-Poned

I didn't do any Castor Oil yesterday because I went to a friends house (1/8 mile up the road) and watched the AFC Championship game. I was hoping the AFC West would take it...ah well. Today I didn't do Castor Oil because I was feeling nauseas; I think I'm having a minor detox flare-up. Tomorrow i will do Castor Oil regardless. I am clear the Castor Oil is an essential part of the therapy even if I do dread the side effects.

This Castor Oil is so new and has such an impact on my day, I feel like I'm doing a sub-blog solely on my Castor Oil experience!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

An Afternoon with STING

Well, well. Thursday's Castor Oil was good...and then not so good. The five hours that it passed through my system was, to my surprise, with little cramping or nausea and for that I am very pleased. I'm all for much more of it. I then did my Castor Oil/coffee break which also went as well as a coffee & Castor enema can go. Then - oh yes - then I enjoyed routine runs to the bathroom [I hear a pun in there]. And with each visit a nice ration of stinging. Nothing debilitating, but nothing one hopes for on the day of a big job interview or on the day they scheduled to stay home and do a Castor Oil treatment! I asked Dr. Cervantes about my recurring trips to the commode each day I do the Castor Oil treatment and he reassured me it was completely normal. I don't know if I felt reassured. I thought if I had continued to ask if it was normal, SOMEONE would tell me it wasn't and provide the perfect remedy. Nope...just a recommendation to continue the chamomile & peroxide sitz baths. Oh well. I could have worse problems...oh that's right, I do!!!

On anther note, Dr. Cervantes said my blood work was fantastic!!! During that meeting he noted that my white blood cell count was perfect which meant there was no infection to worry about. That means that my gall bladder is back in great shape. Do you remember when I passed the gall stone(s) on December 10th? Yes, that situation is in proper order. I used a homeopathic remedy called Stone ~ Breaker as well as a Rife Machine - technology developed by Royal Rife - to disintegrate the gall stones with electromagnetic energy. In time I'll know if it worked. Right now I'm just happy to be pain free and 100% free of the infection that resulted after passing that elephant-size gall stone on December 10th.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I am feeling incredibly inspired and wanted to share that with you. I believe it's because I am so moved by what we as people are capable of. I recently learned of a tragic event in the life of someone close to me. That combined with my circumstances of healing and the circumstances of so many others I know who are healing themselves of cancer, has presenced me to the incredible beauty that we as human beings are capable of generating in our lives.

Initially it seems sad that it so often takes situations such as those I mentioned for the true beauty of human beings to show up. It's not always that way, but it certainly is a powerful force. After some reflection on the sadness of it all, I can see the opportunity available out of events such as these and contemplate if pain, when it is the source of such beauty, is as sad as I see it or if it is possibly one of the reasons for such painful experiences - to represence us to our true power and beauty.

I am so inspired and moved and grow so much each day as a result of having to manage this new life of mine. Recently, a friend and I were talking about all that goes on in the world today - wars, massacres, suffering - and contemplated when it will end or if it will at all. We soon found ourselves in a conversation about compassion.

Since we can not change others, we must look within for the change we desire in the world. That's not such an uncommon thing to hear. When will the world become peaceful? When each one of us has compassion for one anther. Not the compassion that shows up when a person asks for support or needs a helping hand. That compassion is beautiful and necessary, but I am talking about compassion for the family member who always gets under my skin or the person who gives me the finger or cuts me off in traffic or falsely accuses me or commits an "unforgivable" crime or declares war on another country. When I can find it in myself to have compassion for those people - compassion for them when their motivating force is not their higher self - I will be the source of the peace that I seek in the world. It's forgiveness to them for being the darker side of human. Just like the forgiveness I have promised to provide for myself each day. To be one more individual who has created the space for a peaceful world and let go of the ego and a lifetime of insecurities - some forgotten - some ignored. So easy to speak and so difficult to implement day to day.

We are beautiful creatures and I am indeed grateful to be here with you.

Success on the Castor Oil Front

My Castor treatment was just short of perfect this morning. And since I only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep prior to doing the Castor Oil, I slept through the cramping and feelings of nausea that so joyfully accompany the treatment. I would have preferred to have slept more than 2 1/2 last night (and the night before!) but for whatever reason, that is what I am dealing with lately.

Sleep has been more difficult than usual this week and today, as so many days lately, as I caught up on my sleep, Daniela woke me - every hour on the hour - with another juice and then I quickly fell back asleep. Very humbling to be so cared for and very much an honor. You're an angel sweetheart - I love you!!!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Castor Oil - This Too Shall Pass

I was due another Castor Oil treatment on Saturday but didn't do it because I didn't really get to sleep on Friday night until about 4 am Saturday morning and chose to sleep in until 11 am (being woken up only to drink my juice and then go back to sleep. I didn't do the Castor Oil once I woke up because I have no commitment to ingesting Castor Oil that late in the morning, because I lose my desire to eat from the cramping and nausea. So instead, I did the Castor Oil on Sunday.

It was little better than Thursday because the stinging wasn't bad early on. I still had the same problem of needing to be real close to the bathroom for four hours following the Castor/coffee enema. Pointer: Castor Oil ingestion will do wonders for constipation! So, the four hours following the enema was certainly unpleasant, but not as bad as Thursday because the stinging didn't start until about three hours into the process. Naturally, an hour of in and out of the bathroom with a complimentary sting each time can get pretty uncomfortable, but again, one hour of it is not much when compared to five.

Tuesday will be another Castor Day if I get my blood drawn early enough - keeping my fingers crossed. This too shall pass.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Blind Spot?

I have noticed a pattern I have when it comes to discomfort and/or pain. My attitude becomes less hopeful when I am experiencing discomfort and verges on hopeless when I am in a lot of pain. I am clear there is nothing wrong with feeling less than inspired when I am experiencing pain and/or discomfort and I have a commitment to maintain my positive attitude when these instances arise.

I am clear that the pain is temporary and will pass, yet I notice that I always go to the same way of being when I experience it. I become sad and without hope. It's starting to seem like my default setting for response to pain/discomfort is a pre-programmed response - not gauged on the degree of discomfort, but instead an automatic emotional response that even precedes my assessment of the experience - jumping the gun a bit.

So, I am going to begin by forgiving my body for having cancer. When the thought of forgiving myself for having cancer first crossed my mind, it seemed a bit silly and unnecessary - I DIDN'T DO IT! But I know myself well enough to keep a look out for such thoughts because when I feel angry, judgmental, resentful...I tend to look for an outside source to blame - you know, i start off selfish. If I can't find one, I will turn it inward and blame myself and that would certainly have a huge impact on my well-being.

From where I stand, I don't detect any thoughts of self-judgment for having cancer, but I am clear that we all have blind spots - ways of being that we can not see, or to put more precisely, ways of being we tend to overlook and not notice. I will look and see what's there for me and let you know.

Latest Bout With Castor Oil

Yesterday's Castor Oil experience was similar to last Friday's experience, which I described in my January 9th entry. The only difference is the sting wasn't as bad as it was on Friday. The downside is that the undesirable side of it (a lot of time on the commode) also lasted about 5 hours. Tomorrow is my next Castor Oil treatment [I'm having difficulty typing because I'm crossing my fingers!!!] and I'm looking forward to it going quite well.

Hopefully, I will be past this unpleasant part of the Castor Oil treatment relatively soon (and return to the standard "slight stinging" ONCE per treatment), because right now I feel like I'm back in the early days of the therapy when flare-ups were the norm and I would be out of commission all day long, which is what I currently experience with the Castor Oil treatments; the first five hours after ingestion begin with nausea which moves to abdominal cramps with possible nausea, then the next five hours real close to the commode. Not a lot of fun, but something I'm willing to tolerate and as I said, something I hope gets a lot easier much sooner!

Feeling Great Lately

I'm happy to report I'm feeling great lately; emotionally is what I'm talking about. I feel full of energy - energy I can't use for much since I am laying down all the time, but I definitely feel it. I noticed how I was feeling when a friend called yesterday. When he asked how I was doing, I said, "Great!" and then suddenly realized I had said that. Then the person assisting us for the dinner shift greeted me and as I greeted her, I felt a surge of energy move through me. Naturally, I don't know how long it will last, but right now, it sure feels great. I feel like the old me (the pre-Gerson Therapy me) is back.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

All Our Love!

Thank you to all of you who have put yourselves on the schedule lately. It means the world to us.

Cator Oil Update

So, in order to give you some idea of where I am with the castor oil, I will need to share some personal information - you know body function. So, if you are not interested in hearing about it, this would be the time to stop reading. And for those of you who care to forge ahead...

As I mentioned in my December 22nd entry, the castor oil can sting on the way out if it picks up toxins in the digestive track. Well...let me tell you about sting. On Friday, I did my castor oil at 5:30 am and at 10:30 am I did my coffee w/ castor oil enema. You want to talk about sting? Ever heard of the band "The Flaming Lips"? Oh yeah, it stung. And then for the next five hours I had the runs that stung and stung and stung with each...well...you know - each time - until I was ready to go squat in the waters of the nearly frozen creek behind the house. And then at 6 pm, the Flaming Lips had their final encore performance for the day. Unrequested and quite delayed I might add.

After that incident, I decided to not do anymore castor oil until I had some idea of why that happened and how to avoid it. Fortunately (or unfortunately - I'm not sure yet), I found out at the end of the weekend, that in the beginning days of castor oil treatments, hours of stinging runs is not uncommon because there there are a lot of toxins being pulled out for the first time. So, not to worry, everything is just fine. Maybe not "just fine" - just nothing had gone wrong.

Having that information brought to my attention, I did another castor oil treatment on Tuesday. Good news - a little sting following the castor w/ coffee enema and the show was over. I am scheduled for another castor oil treatment tomorrow morning and will continue to do them every other day until I am told it is no longer necessary. Sure the cramps from 6 am to 10:30 am are definitely a drag. But the real drag so far is taking the 30 or so gel caps of castor oil. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but I choose to take gel caps because my stomach may still be a little sensitive and apparently castor oil can be pretty tough on a sensitive stomach. So, by about gel cap number 25, I start to gag. The gel caps have this weird perfumey taste that's starting to gross me out. I have to keep reminding myself that it's likely far better than drinking two tablespoons of castor oil straight. I hear that's nasty.

Well, tomorrow's castor oil is only 8 hours away. I'm sure I'll let you know, at some point, if everything comes out all right...

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Other Day I Felt Down

...and this evening I am back in the space of gratitude. Funny how that is.

I am grateful for the privilege of knowing that the future I am living into has a profound impact on my future. The future I am living into is a tear jerking celebration of the disappearance of the cancer in my body and sharing my experience with as many people as I possibly can so folks know there are options beyond what the mainstream media and medical world brings to us. Choose which ever path you feel is best, but know you have options - especially those folks who are told "there is nothing we can do for you."

Earlier this evening I was laying on the couch [laying on the couch - that's new and different!] completely blown away that at 36 years old I was diagnosed with stage two rectal cancer. 36!!! Amazing. It makes just about no sense to me. I'm a young buck. Aren't I supposed to be "OLD" first? Anyway, I will confess that I do sometimes ponder what led me to having cancer [side note: I have cancer - cancer does not have me]. And pondering the origin of my cancer can be quite a thought process. Where I choose to leave it is my complete lack of fiber in my diet for many years. I remember when I was a teenager, learning that fiber has no nutritional value and decided that meant I therefore do not need to eat it. So, I made no efforts to eat fiber. Might you have guessed I'm a big fan of the stuff now?

So getting back to my original thoughts, I am grateful that I chose a path that, as difficult as it sometimes is, will bring me to full health without the removal of my organs or the use of chemotherapy and radiation. It's an honor to be one of the people who has learned about Gerson Therapy and to have a cancer that is healed very effectively with Gerson Therapy. And it's phenomenal how little Gerson Therapy is known! Once you begin to read literature pertaining to natural healing, Gerson Therapy is all over the place. It's incredible. The natural healing world is very clear that Gerson Therapy is the leading natural approach to healing cancer (and other degenerative diseases) and nine moths ago, it was a therapy that seemed just about ludicrous to me. Wow. Amazing.

Speaking of wow, I have to be up in a little over five hours to do a Castor Oil treatment. Good night and sweet dreams...

And thanks for all your great comments and inspiring words. I just love hearing from you. You are often my source of inspiration. Thanks a million!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Inspiration and a Lack of the Same

Today I heard a very inspiring and true story. It was told by a man who was meeting with an organization made up of parents of developmentally disabled children. He began by talking about the perfection of all things in the universe. He then went on to share about his son, Chyla, who did not have the ability that other boys his age had. Chyla could not remember facts like the other kids and couldn't accomplish the simple things that most kids his age could. Chyla's father then looked at the congregation and asked, "Where is the perfection in my child?" The congregation was silent and a bit taken back by the man's question; they didn't have a response.

He continued on and told them how he and Chyla had recently gone for a walk in the neighborhood. During their walk they saw some boys Chyla knew playing baseball. Chyla asked his father, "Do you think they'll let me play?" His father responded, "Why don't you go ask them, bud?" So Chyla walked up to one of the boys and asked if he could play. The boy knew Chyla didn't even know how to hold a bat, so he looked to his friends for direction but got none. So, the boy decided to allow Chyla to play on their team. He said it was the bottom of the eight inning and they were already down by six and he didn't see any reason to not let Chyla play. Chyla was given a glove and assigned to "short-center field."

In the ninth inning, Chyla's team began make a comeback. Eventually, they were only down by two runs and with two kids on bass, his team had the opportunity to make a comeback. It was now Chlya's turn to bat. He walked up to home plate and waited for his pitch. The pitcher took a few steps in closer to the plate and lobbed a nice soft pitch to Chyla. Chyla swung and missed.

Then a boy came out from the dugout and held the bat with Chyla. The pitcher moved in a few more steps and lobbed another soft pitch to Chyla. This time Chyla hit the ball and it softly rolled to the pitcher. "Run, Chyla, run!" yelled the boy who had helped him hit. As Chyla ran to first base, the pitcher picked up the ball and threw it over the head of the first baseman. Chyla reached first based safely; this was the first time Chyla had ever run to first base. "Run to second!" cried the other kids, because Chyla was uncertain what to do next. Understanding the intention of the pitcher and his fellow players, the first baseman threw the ball over the head of the 2nd baseman and Chyla safely made it to 2nd base.

At that point, the shortstop from the opposing team directed Chyla to third base and more kids began to cheer him on. The 2nd basemen overthrew the ball to third and at this point Chyla was being cheered on by all the kids on both teams. As Chyla landed his foot on home plate, the kids picked him up - cheering - and carried him on their shoulders. Chyla had made the winning hit and won the game. On that day, Chyla's father experienced his son's perfection - his son's presence gave others the opportunity to bring perfection to the world by who they're being with others..

This is where you want to read no more if you want to be left with inspiration. I was very moved by this story as I heard it, yet today I don't feel so inspired. Last night, I was wide awake until 5 am. I have no idea why but I could not sleep and that has definitely made today tough (although i did sleep until 11 am). Today I'm just tired of doing pain management each day; today I just want a break. And when I heard the story, I was moved by it because it is a beautiful story. Yet, I was also moved by it because today I want to experience the perfection of the universe and I don't feel it right now. I am very clear that all the support we have is in every way an experience of the universe's perfection. It is profound and a privilege to be the recipient of such generosity and love. And, I do not claim to always be in the space of gratitude.

Although I am grateful today, I am also tired of having to do pain management. The reality of the path I have chosen is that I must essentially find my way back through all that has led me here. And what has led me here to this place, where cancer is living in my body, is over-toxification - too much toxicity. So, as you know, I am in the process of detoxifying to heal my body. And as I move these toxins through my body, I have no choice but to experience them and to feel them as they move out. Yes, pain management very much has it's place in such a process. And today I am honestly just sick of the whole thing.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Letting Go Some More

Last night I woke up at 1:15 am. The reason I woke was because...well...at this point I think I can say rectum without causing utter panic. I guess I'm still not 100% comfortable referencing my rectum. I'm a bit surprised by that. But hey, I'm doing all right talking about a whole lot of other stuff, so I'll take the credit for that and allow myself to find my way to comfort with regular rectal references! So, last night I woke up at 1:15 am because my rectum was stinging. Nothing terrible, but enough to wake me up and keep me from sleeping.

Now I knew a cold pack would reduce the stinging some, yet with no promise of sleeping. However, I was certain that an enema would end the stinging completely. Why? Because the stinging is a result of toxins moving through the body and building up at the exit - ready to complete their mission. As inconvenient as it is, it's a good sign that the increase to 11 juices each day has intensified my detox process. So, I tossed and turned a few times as I considered whether I wanted to do an enema at 1:15 am. Where I was left is that if I did an enema, I would have a less than ideal nights sleep, but the stinging would end. If I did not do the enema, I would have a less than ideal nights sleep and experience the "joy" of the said stinging rectum. Hmm. That was easy and down the stairs I went.

Forty-five minutes later I was back in bed with no stinging what so ever. I think I may have placed an ice pack on my backside to reduce some external soreness. It was my fifth enema of the day and I was a bit sore because for the past few days I had been struggling a little too hard to retain the enemas for the full twelve minutes as opposed to just following my body's lead - or may I say my rectum's lead - and simply retaining the enema for as long as I am able and not being influenced by my desire to hold it for the full 12 - 15 minutes. Twelve to fifteen minutes is ideal but not when it compromises my well being and has me dealing with soreness. So today, I did not struggle to retain the enema. If my muscles contracted - letting me know it was time to release it - then I did exactly that; I let my muscles have the ease they need to make this process work.

Always letting go: letting go of my attachment to sleeping (seems a bit odd, eh?) and letting go of my desire for how I think the enema should go...and letting go! Because the bottom line is that each time I let go of having it go my way, I find myself a little happier and generally feeling better pysically. And, hopefully, I won't be doing any late night enemas tonight!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Still Looking

We're still without a live-in-aide so if you know of someone, do not hesitate to let us know. You can always contact us my clicking on the paragraph in the top right corner under BERT SCHOLL FAMILY SUPPORT. There you will find Daniela's email address.

And always, if you can offer us two or three hours out of your week or even out of your month, it would be a huge contribution to us - probably much more than you think. I will also add that it's not always easy asking for help, but I have learned to humble myself and ask for what I need. And I wouldn't want you to be under the impression that we do not need it right now.

As far as how I am feeling, I was tired last night and got a full nights rest and then some. This afternoon I took a nap for a little over an hour. My body is either dealing with something or healing something because it is rare that I am actually tired these days. Speaking of which, it's time for bed. Tomorrow is a Castor Oil day and they start at 5 AM. Sweet dreams...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

The Little Things

I decided to type this entry right now because I am sitting on a wooden chair using the computer. The beauty is that I am without my cushion and/or donut pillow. It used to be no problem sitting on a wooden chair and then it slowly became too uncomfortable to do so - something I could only do on occasion. Then I simply couldn't do it at all. Naturally, I am still often more comfortable sitting on a cushion or more specifically on the couch, but right now the fact that a wooden chair is even an option is a real nice. And it's an old familiar feeling that's a pleasure to return to. Seems kind of silly, but it really is like that. And it's these little things that often provide me the day to day encouragement.

The FULL Therapy!

Hmm. 2008. It will likely be another year and 4 1/2 months from this point when I am no longer on Gerson Therapy. Now to clarify, I will not be on bedrest until that point. I don't think bedrest is going to last too terribly long, especially now that I am finally doing the full therapy - the FULL therapy- and no longer on a conservative program. I am on 11 juices & 4 coffee breaks each day along with a Castor Oil treatment every other day.

The Castor Oil treatment ain't no walk in the park. I take the Castor Oil in gel caps so it doesn't irritate my stomach. A few hours after I've ingested it, I usually experience abdominal cramps which are soothed by food and/or a hot water bottle. 5 hours after I've ingested it, I do another coffee break with 2 tablespoons of Castor Oil included in it. I think we can all agree that this therapy is not your average path to health and wellness. And God Bless Max and Charlotte Gerson and all the Gerson doctors around the world who have made it possible.

I hope to be another voice in the world singing out loud about the power of Gerson Therapy and how we have alternatives when it comes to cancer treatment. God Bless everyone who must choose a cancer treatment path, because whatever path is chosen, the possibility of death lurks in the back ground and can easily cloud our thoughts and have us feel far from what we know in our hearts. And as I follow the path I know in my heart to be true, I am indeed grateful for my family, my friends and all you who make such a difference in my life.