Saturday, November 24, 2012


I've scheduled my "stoma correction" procedure for December 5th. I don't think it's called a surgery because no body cavities are being opened and no muscles will be cut in half. Instead, my large intestine will be cut away from the skin of my abdomen, it will be pulled out just enough so it no longer folds (it kind of does an 'S' curve just before it reaches the stoma a.k.a. the place it exits my body), it will then be "trimmed" and then it will be restitched to my abdominal skin in the same place it was before.

Dr. Cagir says he may use some cadaver tissue to cover the area where the large intestine is herniating to keep it from poking out anymore. I asked him if I would have nightmares from part of a dead body being inside of me. His nurse practitioner said, "No." I then said, "Not from the tissue itself but from my brain freaking out about dead people being inside me." She shrugged and said I'd be fine. A terrible four-letter word, i.e., "Everything is going to be just fine." I can hear the violin shrieks from the shower scene in Psycho. Hell, I have vivid dreams when I buy a new fish for the aquarium. I can't wait to see what's in store if I do get the cadaver tissue. Maybe I'll be able to channel dead people after this. That would be a cool party trick.

The procedure may result in an overnight stay or it may be an outpatient procedure. I'm voting for outpatient. To tell you the truth, I'm hoping Dr. Cagir will agree to just use a local anesthetic. And then maybe I can watch the procedure perhaps with the help of a mirror. But after watching Braveheart, I'm kind of wondering if intestine being pulled out actually hurts like the movie suggests thus not allowing for only a local. Then again, if all goes well, only a very small portion of my intestine will be...extracted. If he does let me watch the procedure, I plan to quietly feign-scream, "FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as the inch or two of intestine is pulled out. It's always good to make people laugh when they're gently pulling out an organ.

So, I return to Robert Packer Hospital once again. Hopefully the recovery won't be much of anything. Crossing my fingers (and not my intestine).

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