Letting Go...Ad Nauseum

Lately I have found myself imagining what life will be like once I no longer have an ostomy. Then I remind myself that based on current medical science, there will be no day that I no longer have an ostomy. I'm amazed that I still find lurking in the back of my mind, thoughts about this thing being temporary.

It has crossed my mind that I may still view it as temporary because I still have some things to learn about, i.e., irrigation, which I will discuss with Dr. Cagir and an Ostomy Nurse on December 2nd. I have a feeling that irrigation may not provide me with the option of simply wearing a "bandage" over the opening for the remainder, which is why people irrigate (from what I read). However, I am still very much interested in the possibility of irrigation in hopes that it will at least, well...how do I spare you the details...reduce the amount of maintenance required on any given day. I can't imagine how it wouldn't provide me such a convenience and I'm going to hold out on any test runs until after my meeting on December 2nd.

I guess what's there for me right now is that I am not "complete" with the whole thing. I have yet to let go of how life "used to be." I know I will. Be disappointed about what can't be changed gets pretty old and pretty boring pretty fast. I'm not really interested in that approach to life. And right now, I am definitely still hanging on trying to figure out who to be mad at. Kind of silly and quite real at the moment.

Letter to the Editor

I sent a letter to the editor of Ode Magazine, expressing my appreciation for the article they did on Dr. Servan-Schreiber 's book Anticancer: A New Way of Life. And my letter made it into the December issue.

Click here if you would like to read it.

Note: Once you get to the digital issue, drag the scroll bar on the bottom to the pages 12/13. And there is a zoom option on top which makes the article much easier to read.

Voices of Survivors

Voices of Survivors is a website created by Lynn Lane - a survivor of prostate cancer. Lynn is an online friend I made after I stumbled upon his cancer blog one day while perusing the web for the cancer blogs of others.

Voices of Survivors is in the beginning stages and exists to give voice to those who have survived cancer. Each short video is direct, concise & simple, yet exhibits the power of something uniquely beautiful: the voice of a survivor. I know very little about the project, but I love what I have seen so far.

I only received the link from Lynn moments ago and had to share it with you as soon as I saw it. It quickly triggered a thought for me. Or I guess I should say a question. Inside the context of cancer, what is a survivor?

For me, a survivor is someone who has found the capacity to live a life they love - empowered - as fully as they are able - while they endure their journey with cancer. A survivor may die from their disease, or from something else for that matter, but they are a survivor nonetheless because they did not succumb to the fear, the anger or the hopelessness that can so easily consume a person unwilling to accept the road that lies before them. And for those who have succumb to the darkness that lurks about the minds of those who have been diagnosed with cancer, I acknowledge each of them simply for having to hear the words, "You have cancer."

There is indeed something to be said for those who beat cancer and live for many years to follow. But for me, a survivor is someone who chooses to be alive as they face the possibility of death. Some will live. Some will die. But those who choose life - even while they are dying - to me - are by all means Survivors.

Do you agree? Disagree? How do you define a Survivor? I'd love to hear what you think! Click here and let us know.

If you haven't checked out the website yet, click on the link above. Again, the sight is still in the early stages, but it's definitely worth checking out.

Better Off Bald

Well, there you have it. I was just losing hair faster than I could clean it up. Then Daniela walked by as I was sitting at the kitchen table and noticed a growing bald spot on my head. So, I took the initiative and shaved off all of my hair.

I'll try growing it back in the Spring!!!

Where's My Morphine???

Wow! I am amazed at the degree to which the morphine had masked the pain and discomfort that results from the Neulasta shot I receive on the day that follows my bi-weekly chemotherapy treatments. The shot stimulates the production of white blood cells because it is white blood cells that are inadvertently destroyed by chemotherapy. And as a result, there is pain that shows up in the body's largest bones since that is where the greatest number of white blood cells are produced at this faster than normal rate. A little Extra Strength Tylenol seemed to help reduce the pain a little bit.

Had I known, I would have waited to kick the morphine until after my full regimen of chemotherapy was completed in the Spring of '09 and as a result, had a far less painful experience. Oh well. Too late for that!

Eat, Drink and be Healthy

In their November 2008 issue, Ode Magazine printed an excerpt from French psychiatrist and neuroscientist David Servan-Schreiber 's book Anticancer: A New Way of Life. He discusses the impact that diet, exercise and a positive attitude has on healing. It's a great article which provides another push forward in our cultural conversation about cancer and our bodies. Click here and have a look!

Hairball!

Oh yeah! That would be a ball of my hair in my hand. It would seem the Folfiri chemotherapy is starting to pick away at my hair follicles. I'll be sure to post the bald photo should it get that far. However, considering how thick my hair grows, it may take a while for that to happen!