Side Effects or Symptoms

The DTs don't seem to be showing up at the moment. Last night that "caught myself falling from a chair" feeling got pretty bad and kept me awake a couple of different times last night. Right now
I feel like I have a cold – soreness in ears and slightly in throat and a little achey. I'm uncertain if it's DT side-effects, chemo side-effects, chemo-related weakened immune system side-effects (sometimes showing up as cold-&-flu-like-symptoms) or maybe even actual cold symptoms.

And which ever it is, I look forward to these morphine DTs disappearing for good.

Somewhat Maddening

Well I made it through the day pretty well. There was not a lot of pain. The emotional roller coaster is pretty intense. I was deeply moved by many things. Not uncommon for to be deeply moved, but the degree was extreme even for me. Once the sun began to set, I began to feel better and better. By dinner time, the pain was just about gone. Amazing.

Then about an half an hour ago, I started getting really tired. And now my body is doing the tense muscle thing again where the muscles have the extreme sensation that they need to be flexed. It's like they want to twitch but they won't. To tell you the truth, when it happens, it is somewhat maddening. All I can do is just ride it out. And I hope I get some relief from it so I might have an easier time sleeping tonight.

Man these DTs are nutz!

In Need of My Patch

On Tuesday night I went to bed around 1:30 AM or so. I was quite tired and looking forward to some deep sleep. After almost falling asleep a couple of times, I found myself wide awake but I also felt a strange sensation in my arm - a tension like sensation. I shook my arm a few times just to get the feeling out. Then I had the same experience in my leg. Eventually I went back downstairs and laid down on the couch. If this was what falling asleep was going to be like, I would at least do it downstairs where I wouldn't wake Daniela and Beau.

I read for a while until I could no longer bare to do so any longer. I found myself filled with tension and an inability to concentrate. All of a sudden it hit me and my eyes were as wide as saucers - I never put on a new Fentanyl patch aka morphine patch. My morphine patches must be replaced every three days and last night at 3 AM, I was about 5 1/2 days past due.

Yup. I was in the early stage of morphine withdrawal. I immediately adhered a new patch to my leg and then took 2.5 mg of Roxonal (aka liquid morphine) - what I consider a half dose - since it would be a while before the patch made its way into my system.

If you have a concern about how much morphine I took between the patch and the liquid, you need not worry. My tolerance is quite high compared to someone who does not take morphine. If I gave you 10 mg of liquid morphine, you would probably throw up and then sleep for three days. I on the other hand, would take 10 mg of Roxonal on top of what I get through the patch each day and I would relax on the couch to a good movie or read a book. It's not the intention, just the result of 10 months of daily morphine usage.

So anyway, I figured I'd fall right asleep. Oh no. It was about 3:30 AM when I began to feel some relief. And at 4 AM - I couldn't believe it - I was wide awake and not about to fall asleep. By 5:30 AM I began to wonder when exactly I would fall asleep. At 6:30 AM I woke up and fell back asleep. Aaaahhhhhh. How peaceful.

Daniela & Beau came downstairs at 8:36 AM. I thought I would head upstairs and get in a few more hours of sleep. Well I never made it upstairs and I've been awake ever since - right now it's 10:15 PM.

What an odd experience to go through all of that last night and then to be wide awake all day today. On a good note, I went through two days without a new patch without any serious pain. Granted it takes a bit for the morphine to exit the human body when you've been on it as long as I have. But it's a good sign. I should be able to start weaning myself off of the stuff which I very much look forward to. Because not being able to sleep at night because "I didn't get my fix" ain't exactly something I want to continue any longer than I have to. And you can be darn sure I will adhere a new Fentanyl patch every three days as long as it's a part of my pain regimen.