I forgot to mention that those lovely boils of mine are far less sensitive than they were last weekend. In fact the sensitivity is down by about 75%. Yeah, I can actually walk around without having to intentionally be bowlegged! The radiation department has a new doctor (he started on Monday) and when he saw the boils today he said, "This is very uncommon." If I wasn't so out of it with my brain so fuzzy from the chemotherapy, I would have burst out laughing. Leave it up to me to have an uncommon side effect! Regardless, they are drying up and going away and that is a very good thing.
I am also happy to report that the radiation burns are no longer open and raw. They are healing up quite nicely. The skin is still a little red and dry, but red and dry is nothing compared to open and raw.
The chemotherapy isn't being particularly friendly today. Like I mentioned in the first paragraph, I have what is referred to as "chemo-brain." It's difficult to focus and I occasionally forget what I'm saying. I also have little energy and, well, I just don't feel myself. Daniela has encouraged me to not resist it. Just be with it and before I know it, it will be gone. I'll do my best.
Heck, as I find myself at the bottom of this entry, I'm having difficulty remembering what I even started with. I better get out while I can!
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Bert,
ReplyDeleteWhat you are going through is amazing, and just as amazing is the grace and bravery you have in writing about it.
I am happy to know that you made it through the radiation and that you will be recovering despite the chemo cocktail. When those pimples, boils and other nasty wounds become only memories what a series of "uncommon" stories you will have.
Hang in there and keep weeding the sacred garden that is your body.
JB
Dear Bert,
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the whole chemo-brain thing... I practically lost my ability to type for a whole week after each infusion. I would mis-type every three letters or so. And forget reading and being able to process what I was reading! Just about all I was up for was staring at the television - repeats were the best, because I didn't have to process any new information.
Daniela is, of course, right. As are you. This whole chemotherapy experience is so surreal and uncomfortable, and there is no way to feel like ourselves, because our selves are not usually loaded up with toxic chemicals. I could feel them coursing through my body, I could taste them in my mouth and in all my food, and I could smell them.
But, Daniela IS right. All we can do is go with it and ride the ride until it is over. We can't make it go any faster, and we certainly can't make it feel "normal". As my friends in AA say, one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. And believe me, some days during chemo, one minute at a time was all I could handle.
It will be over soon. And from where I sit, almost a month after my last infusion, there are several ways I feel more like my normal self again. Food tastes like it should, my appetite and ability to eat match again. I no longer smell or taste the chemicals. My hair is slowly starting to grow again. And I am finally starting to heal again from the surgery I had a month before chemo even started!
There is hope, just around the corner. Hang in there!
And, one more thing... you can be grateful that you won't be having these volcanic hot flashes! Count even your smallest blessings!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Maria Brown
respone to jb and to maria:
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing from your experience and for the encouragement. It helps. It really does.
Dear Bert, I love you and am thinking about you! Thank you for sharing, I am humbled, deeply humbled by what you are having to go through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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