Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Getting Through Each Day

It's about 12 hours since my chemotherapy infusion began and I feel 95% nausea-free. Relatively speaking, it's pretty great. Immediately following the infusion I picked the boy up and brought him to an evening Ash Wednesday service. Yesterday he requested we go [BIG SMILE]. I was so glad I could accommodate his request. This is the first Wednesday/Day 1 of an infusion, that I've felt at all like doing anything other than head home. This includes all seventeen infusions I had in 08-09. I'm currently receiving IV Emend and combining it with tablet form Zofran and the results are clearly very good. And earlier this evening, before 7:30 PM, I was 100% nausea free which is tremendous. And as I said in a previous post, I'll be thrilled when I'm provided a 100% effective anti-feel-lousy-and-exhausted-medication. And if I had to choose, I'd take the anti-nausea meds 100x over anything else.

What's also come up is that a lot of folks seem to be under the impression that because my first approach to healing from cancer was Gerson Therapy, that I eat some version that diet or another very restricted healing diet. That's actually not the case. I don't mention this much but the reality is that my priority is to find my way through the circumstances I've been dealing with for the last year. The cancer diagnosis is easy. There's no arguing with it, so there's no point in getting upset about it. Plus, there's no sign of any cancer cells anywhere and I'm in the midst of a highly effective treatment. At least for right now. But what's far more difficult is people. One can get infuriated with people because they have the capacity to change their behavior should they choose to, but when they don't it can be maddening.

Yeah the treatment is tough, but it's these other circumstances I find heart-breaking. That's a big part of what I manage. And I'm clear heart-break and feeling mad are, minimally, not creating healing. And the sooner I let go of the expectation that I can get other people to live with integrity, the sooner I'll be free of of the upset. And for me part of that is to embrace my lack of patience and sometimes anger with others. Resisting such feelings definitely doesn't make things better. And I'm not waiting around for them to disappear. So instead I do what I can to embrace the feelings. It's part of the package until I find the capacity to be another way. I aspire to a great deal, but in the meantime, this is who I am.

And my #1 commitment is being a loving father. So to be 100% present, loving and patient with my boy, as well as minimize the upset I have with other people, and provide myself the space to rest and heal, I work one-on-one with a Life Coach on a weekly basis. I also engage in regular exercise, meditation, prayer, my music, and hypnosis. This "keeps my head above water" - and I simply don't have it in me to take on another thing. I'm totally maxed out with everything I'm dealing with, and part of caring for myself is to allow myself a lot of rest and fun. If I took on a diet transformation, researching how to do it all, doing all the necessary prep work, etc, etc, I wouldn't have to time to be with my boy. And if things don't turn out as I hope, I will have missed the opportunity to be with my child while we are both together on this planet. And if things turn out well, then all is well. I genuinely believe that my spiritual path is what is providing me healing and what has people look at me and tell me how healthy I appear.

What I do is eat very well. Fresh, organic well-balanced food. And lately I have had a craving for fruit far beyond the norm for me. Kiwis (a powerful food for the liver), grapefruit with raw honey - LOVE IT, apples, and oranges. I am devouring the stuff and just can't get enough of it all. I'm also supplementing my diet with a Gerson Therapy Green Juice as well. Green Juice is another excellent food for the liver. So that's the scoop with food. And I look forward to when things are different and I have the capacity to go beyond where I am right now.


  1. "Loving it" is a great sign that you are doing just what your body needs. Really, truly. In my experience there are few absolutes when it comes to caring well for the body/heart/soul/mind...than doing what feels loving and peaceful and joyful.

    At one point in my treatment for Cancer, my naturopathic physician encouraged me to be less pure about what I ate...and give myself pleasure foods...every once in a while. THIS was my naturopathic physician. In the middle of chemo, I NEEDED pleasure - lightness & fun. In terms of food, I got great pleasure eating 100% fat in cream, frozen blueberries & honey. My take on ice cream. To Die For! Good for the spirit = good for the body.

    I love what you are saying in keeping your priorities - spot on. And, I couldn't agree with you more!

    Sending you joy,
    -Elizabeth M.
    (San Francisco)

  2. YES! So glad you are cultivating this great attitude and healthy habits. I learn so much from you - not just about dealing with cancer and treatment (neither of which I've ever had to do), but also about how to deal with adversity, overwhelm and negative people (which I *do* face all the time). Thank you for helping me on my journey, which I realize is a piece of cake compared to yours. You are truly a blessing to others in so many ways. Love and healing to you!

  3. Thanks for posting this Bert. I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and have surgery scheduled in mid-March..Your blog has been a real help in learning how to deal..Been trying to eliminate dairy and meat from my diet, and the dairy is really tough. Your thoughts about priorities and quality of life, though, I definitely appreciate. I have three sons four and under and they have really kept me from falling into a funk..

    Thanks so much for this blog..maybe I'll catch some music's been a while.

    Rick H

  4. Hi Bert,
    Sorry I have been out of touch the past couple of weeks. But I have been thinking of you and your beautiful son. I continue to think about what you are going thru and pray real hard that you will be able to put this chapter to an end and move onto the happier, healthier chapters to come.
    Big hugs and kisses! Love you my friend. ~Amy