Friday, July 25, 2008

A Beautiful Privilege


On Tuesday when Dr. Cagir informed me of the biopsy results, I understood what he said but I honestly couldn't really get my head around it. I kept thinking about it and indeed it filled me with joy, but after living for 16-months in the world of "I have cancer," it just didn't sink in.

However, this evening I spoke with a few different friends and it suddenly hit me - I don't have cancer. Sadly, there are people in the world who have cancer right now. And, I am not one of them. And to say that almost seems absurd or even false. Every day for 16-months there has always been one thing on my mind when I wake up that has not changed - the thought that I have cancer. And now when I wake up I still have that thought. I have to remind myself - You don't have cancer. And it seems so foreign.

I don't have cancer. I don't have cancer. I'm laughing right now because I can't believe I can say that. Sure I will have a little more radiation and then I'll have a serious chemotherapy treatment - 3 to 6 months - to see to it that things stay this way. But right now for the first time since Tuesday March 27, 2007, I can say with certainty, I do not have cancer.

I suppose I could write it 78 more times so I really start to get it. However, I think that would make for some really dry reading, so I'll save you the trouble and just read it to myself a few more times.

What a beautiful, beautiful privilege it is to say those words.

3 comments:

  1. Jennifer BirnbaumJuly 25, 2008 at 12:34 PM

    Now it's time to change the top of your blog page to say "I HAD cancer".

    ReplyDelete
  2. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love,
    Beth

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations!

    I am happy that after everything you have been through that you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Blessings to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete