Saturday, March 15, 2008

I'm Back

Mentally, I have returned. Between the preparation on Thursday and the drugs used to put me under on Friday morning, I was really out of it all day Friday. When put under for a colonoscopy, at least around these parts, not only are you sedated, but you are also given a drug that causes amnesia so you will not remember the experience. The drug lingers and it indeed lingered in my mind. It made yesterday a blur. I actually have no recollection of leaving the hospital nor of the ride home. From where I am today, mentally, yesterday feels like two days ago. Wow! I'm happy to be back.

My prep on Thursday wasn't nearly as bad as it was last year, but I did find myself in & out of the bathroom until 3:30 am. Thank goodness I have an enema table in there. I slept on it from 3:30 to 5:40 am, hit the shower and at 6 am I was out the door. My friend, Rob, kindly picked me up and drove me to and from the hospital. As a result of being the one providing my transportation, he was present for the post-procedure meeting and he saw three color printouts of the tumor. I will always remember the first time I saw an image of the tumor. It was shocking. It made the entire experience that much more real. I'm sure Rob would tell you the same thing. When we talked today, I could hear it in his voice.

Upon seeing the tumor, it was no longer an image imagined and made up of what ever past experiences I have had or photos I have seen. The tumor forever had a face. A shape. A color. And it had become a living, "breathing" mass. A part of the world I live in. Now it is a part of the world Rob lives in. I wish I was a little more coherent and had the time to put some forethought into the whole thing and I would have spared him the experience and the potential permanence of it in his mind. Kept him from being one of the few to actually see the tumor in the body of a close friend - someone he cares about. However, that clearly is not an option for me or for him, so I only hope the experience will somehow contribute to him in the future.

We will not get the results from the procedure until Tuesday. The weekend makes the wait a little longer. It's a bit curious how my tests frequently tend to be scheduled on Fridays... Daniela had a telephone call with Dr. McDonald - my Gastroenterologist - and he told her the tumor "appeared" to be malignant, although he made it clear it will certainly not be known until Tuesday. He also told her a polyp was removed. Whether it was pre-cancerous we will find out on Tuesday. He also informed her that the tumor is causing a 20% blockage. He said that 20% is not a big deal. That's good to know. And, in my mind, it's nothing to dismiss. Regarding the pain, Dr. McDonald did not see anything besides the tumor that would be cause for the pain I am currently experiencing. His assessment is the tumor is causing it.

Today I feel a bit flu-ish. That could be a result of many things: my overall lack of sleep; the 30 Senna tablets I took on Thursday; the colonoscopy drugs running through my extremely Gerson-cleansed system; a virus? Well, I took a nice long nap this afternoon after lunch and I felt a little better. The aching is presently starting to return. On that note, I will wrap up this entry and be done for the night.


  1. I know I'm not the only one out here sending loads of good vibes your way, and wishes for good news on those results. Rest and take care over the weekend!

  2. I add my voice to the current of good vibes and wishes, you brave and generouse soul.