Saturday, August 23, 2008

It's Been A Long Road

Blogging has been a little tough for me since I began my latest antibiotic regimen. Not only was I given an antibiotic for the possible infection near the rear suture, but I also received an antibiotic for a UTI (urinary tract infection) that resulted from the catheter which was required for surgery/recovery. So, I've been on Cipro and Flagyl - oh the joy. Being as sensitive to drugs as I am, these antibiotics have knocked me for a loop. I sleep about 12 hours a day and lately with a nap in between - and that's even with the enormous amount of water I've been drinking. Well, I just finished the Cipro yesterday and I have two or three more days of Flagyl left. It will be nice to feel human again.

And I was hoping I could feel human for a just a little bit longer since chemotherapy will likely begin in the next couple weeks or so. It's really hard to think about the upcoming chemotherapy. And I'm really hoping that I'm making it out to be more than it was because I am SO not looking forward to it. I I'm hoping the chemotherapy will be easier than I recall.

And another aspect to that is work. During my last chemotherapy treatment I was completely incapable of working. My hope is that this "final" treatment (I use quotes since nothing is certain) is on the shorter side of the possible three-to-six month treatment. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I have been able to go for walks in the local parks or through the neighborhood. Now that I am out and about lately, I see people working either on their yards or at their own business and I realize how long it's been since I have been able to do so. "You need to heal so that you don't have to do this is important"...etc, etc. Easy to say and real hard to do after being on bedrest until mid-July. The only thing that keeps me sane is waking up from a two-hour nap after only being awake for four hours - it reminds me that healing is a slow and powerful process. And once again, like I did so many months ago, I choose to let go of how I think it should be or how I think treatment/healing should look.

But don't think for a second that doing is as easy as choosing. I have to keep bringing myself back to my commitment to letting go. I mean, c'mon, it's been a long road and I want to start earning my money. Hell, I'd shovel manure in a horse barn if I could. This definitely drives me nuts. Granted, I did just have major surgery, but as I said, it has been a LONG time.

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