What's Next

I am finally off of antibiotics!!!! Man - these things were making me miserable. I was down right depressed this afternoon and not even for a good reason. Hell, I should be the happiest person in the world right now. And Daniela reminded me that being on two quite powerful antibiotics will do that to you. She's right.

So what's next is supposedly another series of radiation treatments [I wonder if my surgeon is a sadist...just kidding] and definitely another series of chemotherapy treatments. There has yet to be a specific decision as to which type of chemo I will receive. I imagine that will happen on September 3rd at my next day of appointments.

Sure I'm cancer-free right now (and I plan to keep it that way) but I'm not quite certain when the oncological staff consider me cancer-free. And to tell you the truth I see it this way. I currently do not have cancer in my body. Once I have completed the upcoming radiation and chemotherapy treatments and the only appointments that remain are my monthly blood tests and...I dunno...quarterly CT/PET scans, THEN I will truly consider myself cancer-free.

That may seem a bit odd. Maybe it's just my way of keeping my shoulder to the wheel for these upcoming chemotherapy and radiation treatments - ya know? I can't imagine they will be any more pleasant than they have been in the past. And I doubt they'll be so fun that I'll be inviting people over for chemo. Not to mention I'd probably need a license for that. Can you hear the medical board? I'm sorry sir, you want to do what? Wow. That would be a bit odd. But don't worry - I wont put you on the spot.

So as they say: It ain't over until the fat lady sings or should I say until the fat man sings [that would be Jerry Garcia, of course]. Granted he ain't doing much singing lately, but once it's all said and done and I'm financially back on my feet, I will throw one hell of a cancer-free party and there will be plenty of songs by Jerry Garcia playing over the PA - in between the sets of live music, of course.

Oh and one more thing. My CD is supposed to be here any day! I'll definitely let you know.

It's Been A Long Road

Blogging has been a little tough for me since I began my latest antibiotic regimen. Not only was I given an antibiotic for the possible infection near the rear suture, but I also received an antibiotic for a UTI (urinary tract infection) that resulted from the catheter which was required for surgery/recovery. So, I've been on Cipro and Flagyl - oh the joy. Being as sensitive to drugs as I am, these antibiotics have knocked me for a loop. I sleep about 12 hours a day and lately with a nap in between - and that's even with the enormous amount of water I've been drinking. Well, I just finished the Cipro yesterday and I have two or three more days of Flagyl left. It will be nice to feel human again.

And I was hoping I could feel human for a just a little bit longer since chemotherapy will likely begin in the next couple weeks or so. It's really hard to think about the upcoming chemotherapy. And I'm really hoping that I'm making it out to be more than it was because I am SO not looking forward to it. I I'm hoping the chemotherapy will be easier than I recall.

And another aspect to that is work. During my last chemotherapy treatment I was completely incapable of working. My hope is that this "final" treatment (I use quotes since nothing is certain) is on the shorter side of the possible three-to-six month treatment. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I have been able to go for walks in the local parks or through the neighborhood. Now that I am out and about lately, I see people working either on their yards or at their own business and I realize how long it's been since I have been able to do so. "You need to heal so that you don't have to do this again...rest is important"...etc, etc. Easy to say and real hard to do after being on bedrest until mid-July. The only thing that keeps me sane is waking up from a two-hour nap after only being awake for four hours - it reminds me that healing is a slow and powerful process. And once again, like I did so many months ago, I choose to let go of how I think it should be or how I think treatment/healing should look.

But don't think for a second that doing is as easy as choosing. I have to keep bringing myself back to my commitment to letting go. I mean, c'mon, it's been a long road and I want to start earning my money. Hell, I'd shovel manure in a horse barn if I could. This definitely drives me nuts. Granted, I did just have major surgery, but as I said, it has been a LONG time.

One Heck of a Day!!!

First of all I want you to know I came home from the hospital at the end of the day on Thursday. However, it was one heck of a long day...

The day started with a CT scan and a blood draw for lab work as scheduled. Then Daniela & I took Beau to a playground where we played with Beau then had a little lunch since my next appointment wasn’t until 1:20 PM with Dr. Allerton (my chemotherapy doctor). At the meeting with Dr. Allerton, we discussed the different chemotherapy options which he said said he would not start up for another four to six weeks. After that was discussed he told us he was amazed the cancer was gone. He kept saying different things like “I’m amazed - I don't think you understand how rare this is- We don’t see things like this – None of us thought this was going to happen. A T4 tumor usually involves some major difficulties...” he repeated these sentences a number of times and when he finally let up I said, “Feel free to say anything like that as long as you like – as long as it’s true.” He smiled and I let him know I believe it’s a result of the Gerson Therapy and explained my theory that due to such low toxicity in my body, the chemo & radiation were far more effective.

Once we wrapped up in the exam room, he walked us to one of the administrative desks to set up my next appointment. What followed next amazed me. Now you need to understand that Dr. Allerton clearly has a great sense of humor, but as far as the emotions go, he keeps things quite professional. Given he’s that kind of guy, I went to shake his hand and say thank you and instead he said, “Let me give you hug. This is amazing.” Coming from him. A guy who sees the worst of it every day and knows the odds, it felt pretty darn good to get that hug from him. I feel like I’ve won the Triple Crown.

Following the meeting with Allerton we went to Dr. Cagir’s office to discuss the results of the CT scan. The CT scan showed the fluid was still present and the recommendation was to drain the fluid from the suture area and send me home with an antibiotic prescription. Naturally, I asked what the process entailed and it was explained to me that a needle would be pushed through my behind and into the cavity where the fluid was building up so it could be drained. Once drained, it would be determined if the fluid was infected. If infected, a drainage catheter would be installed and I would be sent home on an antibiotic with catheter to be removed in a week or two. If not, I would simply be sent home on oral antibiotics.

Well, the fluid was drained and I was sent home on an oral antibiotic. HOWEVER...

When that doctor told me he was going to stick a needle through my behind and into...some cavity...my mind was spinning like a top. I could barely think straight. You’re going to stick a needle all the way through my butt? Okay. I won’t pretend. I don’t exactly have a whole lot of butt to go through. But my butt’s my butt. And I would prefer to NOT stick needles THROUGH IT. HOLY CHRISTMAS. I said, “Doc. I want this to work well for all of us. And the idea of a big ole needle getting pushed through my butt.... I am FREAKING OUT. If I flinch while you’re doing it. Man-oh-man.”

Yeah folks. Forget humility. Forget pride. This guy was going to impale me with just a little numbing agent to ease the pain. Yes I said impale me because in my world that’s exactly what he was going to do. I must have confirmed with him and his staff at least 53 times that they were going to sedate me. And I must have been white as a ghost because they sedated me - heavily. Hell, I woke up on the couch on Friday morning and Daniela had to remind me what happened the day before.

Needle through my butt and into the “blah-blah-blah” cavity. No, no, no, no, no. Say it ain’t so!

[note from wifey: bringing bert home last nite was memorable. the nurse who wheeled bert out to the curb left us with the instructions to relax, take it easy, do nothing strenuous...so bert immediately says he wants to go for a walk when he gets home & is that ok? she said "what kind of walk" (she was suspicious, clearly, so wisely inquired further). he then says, "i like to go about a mile or so".

now, keep in mind, he's on MAJOR painkillers, and just woke up from almost total sedation. downright loopy, actually, and now declares he wants to go bloody HIKING when we get home??? we've only been at the hospital for about 10 looooong hours, had minor surgery, and next we're up for HIKING??? i shot the nurse a look that begged " please god, not hiking..." so she says he can only go for a short walk with someone...

so, we proceed out to the car, with bert telling me he's going for his walk anyway, and does not need assistance. i had images of me out in the fields up by our house trying to find bert, only to discover him laying in some field, claiming he can now communicate with crickets...

we began to head home, and he's fully outta his mind. just yammering up a storm, about nothing that mae too much sense. next he wants pizza. we stop at Sopranos Italian market, and i said i'd go in for him. he says, " i can do it myself, i'm not sick you know!" so i said fine, go ahead...he comes out with a large bag...i'm trying to figure out what's up with the bag?
"hon, what did you get?"
(big grin...) "apple pie!!!"
"how much hon?"
"the WHOLE PIE!!!"

when we got home, he remembered the walk...i had to lure him onto the couch for a minute, thinking the mystical powers of the couch would beckon him to sleep. thank goodness for mystical-couch-powers...worked like a charm....zzzzzzzzzzzz]

and to cap it all of, bert opened the fridge this morning, like a little kid at christmas morning, and says to me, "WHO GOT PIE???????????????"

Morning CT Scan

For the last four days or so I have taken one to two one-mile walks per day. It is such a wonderful feeling and we live in absolutely beautiful country. To walk with one another means so much to both of us. We went for walks evening after evening shortly after we moved out here. Quiet roads, farms & wetlands, beautiful trees and skies. It provides so much for us. And this week is the first week we've been able to walk together since the last walk we had together - on May 11, 2007 - the day before the benefit. Our walk is the big event of our day and we look forward to it each time. It's great to have it back.

Thursday August 7th, I will have a morning CT scan and then blood tests and an afternoon meeting with Dr. Allerton (my chemotherapy doctor). Fortunately, my meeting with Dr. Alleton will not include reconnecting my chemo port. Man, I feel nauseous just thinking about starting chemotherapy again. No reason to mention anymore about that right now.

My big concern is my CT scan and if I have an infection that an oral antibiotic can't treat. Like I said - I hope to find out on Thursday afternoon because if I need to be re-admitted, I'd prefer to do right then and there - not after I've already driven home.

Another CT Scan For Thursday

I am doing well as far as how the antibiotic impacts my stomach. Now I only take the stuff on top of a big meal. And I've got back up options shared from others as well if my stomach is still irritated.

The rest of my body feels pretty good. I go on about two walks a day. This morning I was feeling pretty depressed - I don't want a colostomy and in fact don't want anything to do with a colostomy. So, from sitting in my recliner depressed, I got up off my butt and went for an hour long walk. Not only did it feel great as far as my healing body goes, but it just about vanished any feelings of depression. Exercise is a beautiful thing. Plus I saw two neighbors I really like and got to tell them the great news. I still can't tell people I'm cancer-free without crying.

Sitting is still a little painful, so my Nurse Practitioner has scheduled another CT Scan for Thursday. And of course, if the infection is worse, they will re-admit me and insert a drainage catheter as well as prescribe me an IV antibiotic. I'll let you know on Thursday. Believe it or not, I'm shootin' for not being readmitted.

CT Scan...and Staples

Finally my staples are gone - what a relief!!! Those things were driving me nutz.

I also had a CT scan and blood work to determine the source of my recent abdominal pain. And in looking for it, it seems I may have a slight infection near the top of my backside suture. That explains why I still have a little pain when I sit - I had just figured it was post-surgery pain.

Fortunately, I was given an antibiotic to take home with me. I say "fortunately" because prior to be given the prescription, Dr. Cagir informed me that I may need to be re-admitted and administered an IV antibiotic as well a drainage catheter. So, we waited an hour until a well-respected radiologist had the opportunity to review my CT scan and provide Dr. Cagir with a second opinion.

Initially I FREAKED at the thought of being re-admitted. And then after a few minutes, I was able to relax and realized that it would likely be nothing more than a boring hospital stay with minimal discomforts. Initially upon hearing that I may be admitted again, my brain went to the only experience I recall as an admitted patient: heavily drugged and occasionally in a great deal of pain. Oh. And with a room mate who woke me up every single night at 1 AM & 4 AM until I finally got my hands on some soft ear plugs to sleep with. In his defense, he was 87-years old and confessed to being hard of hearing and forgetting - at 1 & 4 AM - that he had a room mate.

And he was very apologetic for being hard of hearing. He compensated for it by yelling when ever he spoke to any of the hospital staff or whenever he spoke to his wife when she came to visit. And of course they all provided him the same courtesy of yelling when they spoke to him. It was a real treat for me when ever he met with the staff and/or his wife. Oddly enough, when his two sons-in-law came to visit, they would talk for over an hour and no one seemed to need to yell to communicate...

Anyway, I will be scheduled for another CT scan in one to two weeks to make SURE there is no infection. Apparently, once a bad infection shows up in tissue that has been radiated, i.e., my backside, it can take "forever" to be healed (or so said Nan, my Nurse Practitioner).

So, as much as I despised the idea of being re-admitted, by the time I thought it through, I was perfectly content with it. When Dr. Cagir prescribed an antibiotic and sent me home, I asked him, "Are you sure?" I have no desire to take ANY chances. He assured me it would be okay because I am to be scheduled for another CT scan in the next week or two to keep an eye on things.

Gerson Flashback???

It seems I took the weekend off from blog posting. By Sunday night my hope was to post something on Monday afternoon (yesterday), but at 4 AM on Monday morning I woke up to intense abdominal spasms. By 4:30 AM I took a Vicoden and sort of fell back asleep. I eventually woke up around 8 AM and spent all morning and early into the afternoon reeling from the pain. If I was on my back, the next spasm would have me on my knees and leaning over the back of the couch or on my knees and bending down with my head on the cushions - the way a newborn baby sometimes sleeps. Eventually, I would wake up in one of the said positions from another spasm and either turn over and lay on my back or my side in hopes that I would fall asleep before the next spasm came. I felt like a slow moving rotisserie chicken, minus the heat of course.

And the toughest part about it was that my brother, who I haven't seen in over a year, was in town for only 24-hrs. He arrived Sunday at 2 PM and we had lunch with our folks and then he left around 4 PM on Monday to have dinner with them and then see my Mom's performance at the Merry-Go-Round Theater in Auburn. Not how I hoped our visit would go. Our relationship has grown so much since our adolescent years where being right about...whatever...was more important to me than the little bit of compassion it takes to have a great relationship with one heck of a great guy. The best part was when I attempted to eat some cereal to help my stomach tolerate a dose of Cipro (antibiotic) - prescribed for what seems to be a UTI resulting from the catheter I was blessed with for most of my hospital stay. I got about a half a bowl of cereal in my belly before my stomach decided it would be happier empty. Yeah. I have to say that vomiting just short of two weeks post-abdominal surgery with staples in my abdomen isn't exactly a recipe for a good time. I rarely consider the feeling of someone taking their hand and gripping onto my abdominal staples and pulling as a fun. Then again, I've been considered a bit odd now and again - maybe it's just me.

Anyway, by mid-afternoon, Daniela decided to call my surgeon's office for their input. She had talked to me about it earlier, but since I had no fever, chills, etc., etc., I asked her to just give me some time. Well, once I threw-up we both agreed it was a symptom worthy of a phone call. After a short conversation with the Nurse Practitioner in Dr. Cagir's office, we agreed it was a little less than a "blockage" moving it's way through my intestines (not uncommon post-intestinal surgery) or possibly intestinal spasming. During our second conversation with the NP, she and I agreed I was dealing with intestinal spasming. It seems my diet was a little too rich when the family was here.

PAUSE - This is like a Gerson Therapy flashback: intense abdominal pain for long hours. Man. I had hoped those days were over. Even Daniela felt like we'd gone back in time to the days of the Gerson detox flareups.

By 6 PM, I was on strictly clear liquids and the spasming had seriously diminished, but it was still there a little. So, at 6:30 PM, I took some Milk-of-Magnesia and got everything moved out a little more quickly. The spasming naturally increased as I had anticipated, but I took another Vicoden and after about half-an-hour and a few very difficult spasms, I found myself peacefully relaxing on the couch watching the Red Sox (loosing unfortunately). The point was to move through whatever was triggering my intestines and get it out of there ASAP.

By the way, you may be wondering how sports ever found its way into this blog. Well after 13-years of living without cable or antennae, we decided to take advantage of the local cable company's internet/telephone/cable deal - same price as what we were paying for internet and phone - you know how it goes. With all my "rest" and pain management, hockey playoffs into basketball playoffs into Summertime baseball has been the progression. As long as I stay away from television drama, I can control my addiction to the "boob-tube," which explains to you why I chose to be without it for the last 13-years. Some people find they can't stop drinking alcohol once they start. I have the same difficulty with drama TV. Some may say I'm "still using" even if I watch TV, but there's nothing like a good ball game to keep me clean.

When I woke up today, I was a bit hesitant to move too quickly - concerned about another bout of abdominal spasms. Fortunately, I was free of such problems. On Monday night, the Milk-of-Mag moved the last of whatever was causing the spasming right out of my system. And I ate very conservatively today. I'm going to ease food back into my body.

Oh. And most importantly, Dr. Cagir requested I have a CT Scan on Thursday, along with my previously scheduled appointment to have these staples removed, just to be sure all is well. I'm told I will feel much better once these metal hooks are out of my belly. I'll let you know.