Sunday, November 30, 2008

Letting Go...Ad Nauseum

Lately I have found myself imagining what life will be like once I no longer have an ostomy. Then I remind myself that based on current medical science, there will be no day that I no longer have an ostomy. I'm amazed that I still find lurking in the back of my mind, thoughts about this thing being temporary.

It has crossed my mind that I may still view it as temporary because I still have some things to learn about, i.e., irrigation, which I will discuss with Dr. Cagir and an Ostomy Nurse on December 2nd. I have a feeling that irrigation may not provide me with the option of simply wearing a "bandage" over the opening for the remainder, which is why people irrigate (from what I read). However, I am still very much interested in the possibility of irrigation in hopes that it will at least, do I spare you the details...reduce the amount of maintenance required on any given day. I can't imagine how it wouldn't provide me such a convenience and I'm going to hold out on any test runs until after my meeting on December 2nd.

I guess what's there for me right now is that I am not "complete" with the whole thing. I have yet to let go of how life "used to be." I know I will. Be disappointed about what can't be changed gets pretty old and pretty boring pretty fast. I'm not really interested in that approach to life. And right now, I am definitely still hanging on trying to figure out who to be mad at. Kind of silly and quite real at the moment.

1 comment:

  1. Bert, this is totally understandable to me, to anyone I would think. I have my moments, too, where I long for life before surgery. I wonder if I will ever feel like my old self again, and then I remember that my old pre-cancer self is gone. I don't know how long it will take to accept that, or if I will every totally accept it.

    But we have to be patient with ourselves; we can only do what we can do, and then only when we are ready to do it.

    Take care.

    Maria Brown