Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'm Back Here Again

I am so sick of having cancer. First of all, I am absolutely sick of having life threatening cells living in my body. Then after a minute or two of that, I'm find myself okay with it because my implementation of the Gerson Therapy has powerfully held the cancer at bay and will, in the end, remove it. The next place I find myself is absolutely sick of being on bed rest...since May!!!! I can humbly commend myself [is that possible?] for staying so positive during this nine month stint. But this week, I am so [insert your favorite form of profanity] sick of this! For the love of God, I simply want to go for a walk or stand at the oven and cook my own meal for myself.

My mind wanders in and out of thoughts of what the various "alternatives" are and then I suddenly come out of my self-induced dream state to realize the only "alternatives" are 1) radiation - prior to which, I could strategically place strips of bacon to cook on my body for after treatment snacks or 2) a colostomy, for which no jokes come to mind. This brings me back to the start of it all: bed rest and my initial statement: I am so sick of having cancer.

And that's what I've been most present to lately. What there is no way around. I'm sick of this and the only say I truly have in any of this is my attitude. And this week, outside of being polite, I am sick of having a positive attitude. Am I worried about that? No. I've never been one to spend much time feeling sorry for myself. I don't enjoy the victim role - it doesn't pay. And I will be back to normal self relatively soon, but not right now. Right now, this whole thing just stinks and I'm perfectly happy with that.

What a drag.

A funny movie is definitely in order. Hopefully, my Netflix movie has arrived. I'm hoping to see Superbad. It was done by the same folks who did The Forty Year Old Virgin to which, to my surprise, I laughed out loud while watching by myself - something I haven't done since the first time I watched Groundhog Day.


  1. Another laugh out loud movie from the same director is "Knocked Up". Definitely get that one!

  2. If it ever comes to radiation, you can rest assured that it doesn't burn like you describe. Each treatment is painless and only takes a couple minutes. There's no tube you have to get inside. No IVs. You just lay on your stomach and listen to the motors whirl. (Oh, they do make a mold of your bottom to line you up exactly each time and they give you small "tattoos" to align the mold to.) That's about it.

    What the radiation is doing is not burn a hole through the tumor like a laser, but rather it destroys the DNA (among other parts) of the cancer cells so that either they die right away or when they try to reproduce they can't or after a generation the DNA is so deformed the new cancer cells die. "Healthy" cells in the way will get destroyed too, but your body will be able to replenish them. You'll have plenty to go around.

    Now what is true is that the radiation can build up and cause burns in the area leading to some significant pain when you use the restroom--but from the sounds of it, you've already experienced a good bit of pain as it is and have learned some great pain management techniques. There's a blogger in Canada--can't recall his name--that talks about some of this. For me the pain lasted about 2 weeks. It was severe, but it went away. Diarrhea is also common. Everyone is different, however. But remember this is a sensitive area after all. And all things shall pass :-).

  3. Reply to anonymous:

    Wow. Interesting to hear about.

    I met someone who had radiation and as a result the skin on the bottoms of her feet was severely dry and in her words "burned" from the radiation.

    Regardless, I appreciate you sharing your experience.


  4. I can work on colostomy humor if you want. Did you get my comment about me being so full of crap that if i had a colostomy bag it would have to be a Hefty Bag? I thought that was pretty funny.

  5. Hi Bert.
    For me, radiation was the chapter following chemo, so I was definitely on the rebound through that month. I had no side effects from it, but then again, it was on another body part and everyone responds differently. I enjoyed my daily drive to Elmira; listening to tapes and public radio. This was in late summer '04, when CMC was in transition with that dept.
    Is it an option to continue Gerson and do radiation?

  6. Response to anonymous:

    Gerson Therapy detoxifies the body so it can heal itself, while radiation poisons or toxifies the body to kill the cancer cells, so to combine the two would negate all that Gerson Therapy does.

  7. I think the top 5 funniest movies of all time are:

    5. The Jerk. Definitely Steve Martin's best work of a long, storied career. He most definitely is a "wild and crazy guy."

    4. Vacation. Another classic from the gang of not ready for prime time players. Because he is Chevy Chase, and you are not.

    3. Animal House. Wow, what can I say about this bust a gut hilarious College classic. Belushi, mashed potatoes, Nuf said. I have always wanted to be like him. Good thing I hate needles.

    2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. What Animal House did for College, Spicolli and the gang did for High School.

    And the number one funniest movie of all time? Titanic. It was comic genius to suggest that Leonardo DiCaprio would dig that elephant they hired as his leading lady. What ever became of that pig?

    This is meant as comedy. I am not antifat people and am sorry if I offended you. Now go eat another donut!