Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Always Letting Go

My blood & platelet counts were excellent, so I was given the go ahead to receive my next round of chemotherapy treatment today. I arrived home by 3:30 PM and I believe I was asleep by 4:30 or 5 and woke up just a little while ago at 7 PM. I only slept five hours last night and then add todays' treatment and I am definitely fatigued. Another interesting side effect is the tingling sensation in my fingers, which got a little more intense when I ran cold water over my hands. It was quite a strange sensation. It felt like my finger tips fell asleep - more like "pins & needles" than tingling. I don't dare touch anything cold.

My Nurse Practitioner, Sue (forgot her last name) is very cool. She's positive and she has a sharp personality. When I asked her about the side effects, she informed me that they will increase now that I have received this second chemotherapy treatment. The good news is she believes it will only be an increase in fatigue and hand and foot numbness & tingling. She believes I will not experience an increase in nausea. That will be wonderful if she is correct because my nausea was pretty minimal last time and I definitely stayed on top of it last time and took the anti-nausea medicine as soon as I felt the slightest sensation in my stomach - before it even got to nausea. Then add that very effective homeopathic remedy and I think I should fare pretty well.

And I believe this is all a result of one very powerful choice - letting go of how I believe life should be and living it as it comes, moment by moment. I received that advice my friend Mary when she was my coach in an incredibly powerful leadership program and it has probably been one of the most effective tools I have ever had the privilege of making my own. She said something along the lines of, "Bert, you are in a river right now and your hanging on to the edge fighting the current. Just let go and trust that things are going exactly as they should, that all is well and trust yourself to make the right choice when the time comes." That single conversation with Mary has had an extraordinarily positive impact on how I view my life and well prepared me for the path where I currently am in life.

Thanks Mary. I love you and miss you.


  1. I just wanted to send the best possible wishes for this journey you're on. Daniela has helped me out with some questions I've had about the Gerson protocol (my husband has multiple myeloma, and we, like you, have young kids) and I just wanted to send some good energy your way. My husband has chosen to do some conventional drugs alongside the dietary protocol, so I'm somewhat familiar with the toll drug therapy can take, and I wish you the best as you hit whatever rocks lie in your path. Wishing you calm waters ahead, and grassy sunny riverbanks for family picnics. Lisa, Nicosia, Cyprus

  2. Rob;
    Please have someone take a picture of you as you looked today. Added weight and curly hair and a smile. That will go a long way towards making us smile about you.

  3. "And I believe this is all a result of one very powerful choice - letting go of how I believe life should be and living it as it comes, moment by moment."

    Bert, I think you are right on target with this statement... it is what I learned in AA about getting through good and bad times, it is the mantra that got me through chemotherapy, and it is what gives me patience as I continue to slowly heal from surgery. When I choose to remember it, that is!

    It also enables me to enjoy the good times, as well. If we are living one moment at a time, we can let go of our fear of the future and of this pain lasting forever, and we can also know that each moment is a blessing and a gift, and we can appreciate every moment given to us.

    If there is anything that cancer teaches us, it is that our lives are limited, and therefore each moment should be treasured as it is. This is easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of work and life. It is a lesson I learned the first time I had cancer, and the impact of it faded over time. So here it is again - I hope I do a better job of remembering it now, because I don't intend to have to learn it this way again! :-)

    Maria Brown