Thursday, June 19, 2008

Strange Things

Today has been a heck of a day. For starters, I am experiencing chemotherapy induced cold-sensitivity for the first time. I picked up a jar of salsa that had recently been in the refrigerator and touching it gave my fingers a sensation very similar to "pins & needles." The same thing happened when I held my hands under cool water running from the faucet. I sure as heck am not about to eat anything cold. The sensation is supposed to be similar to "brain freeze" - pass!

I am also experiencing a stinging in my jaw muscles whenever I take the first bite of what ever it is I am eating.

On quite a different scale, today has been a day filled with cynicism for me. My attitude has been quite negative, but not about anything particularly important. I was in the midst of a conversation with Daniela, sharing my concerns with her, concerns that I can now see were honestly, quite irrelevant. After listening, she quite tactfully asked me if my current perspective on things might be a side effect of the chemotherapy. I listened, thought about it and then smiled at her. She was right. The chemotherapy is definitely taking my emotions for a ride.

It's the strangest thing to have my emotions altered from chemotherapy. I totally get that when I'm feeling "sick" from the chemo, I may as a result, have a less than positive attitude. But when the chemo leads me to question myself and where I am in life...that's strange. So, I just avoid those thoughts. I essentially thank my emotions for sharing and move ahead. And, I'm not feeling 100% positive at the moment, but I'm to the point that I'm just keeping to myself for the most part.

It brought me back to one of my Mom's favorite sayings when I was a kid: "If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all." It may have taken 38 years for it to finally sink in, but it has sunk in. Now I can pass it on to my kids. I'm sure they'll be thrilled!

I took a short break from this entry to play catch with Beau. We tossed his favorite ball back and forth. Once he had decided to move on, I found my fingers to be tingling. Another side effect of the chemotherapy. Strange things are happening in my body...

I'm really glad that this will be my last treatment for a while. And I hope as my journey continues into the Fall and I return to chemotherapy, that I might be so lucky as to receive a treatment with gentler side effects. You know? Maybe my journey will not require me to experience some miserable....well...who knows. We'll see.


  1. Hold on. A better day is coming. You are getting closer....

  2. Ahh mothers. If it weren't for them, none of us would be here.

  3. Where you fishing these days?

    That is a gorgeous catch. Looks like good eating.

    I have yet to catch the rare and elusive two bodied Musky.

  4. I have had pin and needles for over 8 months now - it even moved to my feet and cheeks of my face. until I read this section I forgot it bugged me.....gee thanks!

    And if your not going to use your miracle can I have it?

  5. reply to ceblair:

    Which miracle did I miss this time?