Thursday, June 26, 2008

Getting Closer

Last night I watched the Fresno State Bulldogs beat the Georgia Bulldogs in the 3rd and final game of the NCAA World Series. Fresno was the underdog, so to watch them win was such a treat. I was rooting for them from the beginning of the series and I was thrilled when they won. As I watched them celebrate, I soaked up their excitement just as I did when the Celtics won the NBA Championship. To watch anyone take on huge odds and win is an amazing experience and right now at this point, I'm going to soak up as much of that as I can!

Today I met with my Dr. Cagir & Nan Walsh (my surgeon and his "right hand"/Nurse Practitioner) and some other hospital staff to complete the pre-surgery intake for my upcoming exam and then surgery to follow. It was a lot of questions about my current health as well as an EKG and chest a x-ray. My surgeon will do a exam along with an ultrasound on Wednesday July 2nd to have a last look at the tumor. Due to the pain I would experience were I to be conscious, I will be anesthetized. I am not looking forward to the pain that will follow for a few days following his exploratory exam, but it's in my best interest so it's what I will do.

I'll have a CT scan the following week and then the big surgery will be on July 16th. No, I am not looking forward to that. They say the pain management will be excellent, but I've always been the type to believe it when I see it. So, I'll let you know if they were right come the 16th or as soon as I can post a blog entry.

In the mean time, I will do my best to keep a cool head. Daniela and her Dad have both reminded me that the pain is always worse in our minds because pain can not actually be remembered - we can only remember our reaction to it and imagine what is to come. And as they say so, I recall that it generally does go that way. I'll try to keep that in mind as the date gets closer.


  1. I will be thinking of you and your family. Stay strong. Pain management is wonderful! I have had four very different and unique surgery experiences. All in all... I must say, were controlled very well by drugs! :) I hope that your scans reveal good news. I will be going back to the NIH next week, to get my CT and MRI scans and results. I do have a 7mm tumour that could not be resected during my recent surgery. I am awaiting word, on my next treatment regiman. I will be sure to keep you informed. Keep the Faith. There is always Hope. Fight long and hard!
    Becky (stage IV, Malignant Metastatic Melanoma)

  2. Bert,

    It is during this time of expectant anticipation of the unknown that one day at a time is most useful as a survival technique.

    We cannot avoid some of the pain that comes with having cancer, and we cannot truly know how much pain we will have after any particular procedure or phase of treatment. All we can do is focus on where and how we are today.

    If I have pain-free moments today, I try to notice and honor them. If I have time with friends or family, I try to focus on those interactions and leave any pain I might be feeling in the background of my mind.

    I am thinking of you Bert, and of Daniela and your boys, as you await and prepare for the surgical phase of your treatment.

    Maria Brown