I haven't written anything in while because each time I start an entry, it becomes too much for me to complete it. It's come to the point that I can rarely concentrate for long periods of time. And the last two posts I attempted were reflections upon my current state; they're unfinished and in my Drafts Folder because it's just too much to write the type of entry that takes any significant amount of thought.
I experience a significant lack of motivation along with low self-esteem and low energy. Again, I'm clear these are side-effects and not my emotional response to my experience. My current emotional response is more of frustration and feeling a bit beaten down. The closest thing to depression I experience is much less depression and far more a case of the blues, as a result of being frustrated and tired of all of this. Which brings me to my next thought which is, "Thank Heavens I am nearly done" and "Dear God, may I please still be cancer-free following my next scan so I don't have to do this all again because it is really hard?"
And on that note, I'm going to sit on the couch with Beau and watch his favorite morning program.
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Bert - Think of this: In one month it will be officially spring. It has been a long, cold, dark winter. For those of us in Minnesota, where it was 2 degrees this am, it hardly seems possible spring will ever come. BUT IT WILL! And you will feel better, and slowly regain your energy. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wendy
ReplyDeleteBert,
ReplyDeleteI've wondered if the lack of posts was related to the chemo... Question answered!
As one of your faithful readers I want to let you know that it's OK that you don't feel up to documenting every change, and feeling. As your friend I want to let you know that you are doing a bang-up job on your path to recovery. I can only imagine the feelings you're having, but I can tell you these too shall pass. All of this will be a distant memory in the very near future...
Keep the faith!
Love and positivity
Jim
Bert,
ReplyDeleteI'm not much in the way of advice, but thereare two things I know for sure (and I tell my son):
1) Time Passes
2) Things always get better
Better times ahead! I am still inspired by your experiences and glad you are telling it like it is.
Bert, It is good to see something from you, even if it is that you are having a difficult time. I check your blog almost every day hoping for news, and I have been wondering how you were doing. I also pray that your next scan is clean. Hang in there, it won't be long now. And I think time with your little man is one of the best remedies out there for the blues you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Maria
Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don't live it you don't have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things. -Big Bill Broonzy
ReplyDeleteBlues means what milk does to a baby. Blues is what the spirit is to the minister. We sing the blues because our hearts have been hurt, our souls have been disturbed. -Alberta Hunter
Pop music is aspirin and the blues are vitamins. -Peter Tork
I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. -Denis Whaitley
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues. -Duke Ellington
A guy will promise you the world and give you nothin', and that's the blues. -Otis Rush
The blues - the sound of a sinner on revival day. -William Christopher Handy
The blues ain't nothing but a good man feelin' bad. -Leon Redbone
I hear ya, buddy,
capnhook