Saturday, November 10, 2007

Over and over and over and over and...

Last night I got pretty angry about this whole thing. Just being so sick of doing this therapy - everything the same time every day over and over and over and blah, blah, blah. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day.

And it's also frustrating to not have the means to do this therapy without the support of others. Don't get me wrong, I love the support we have receive and it's a wonderful experience having so many generous people in our lives. And, there's a certain sense of powerlessness that I experience relying on others - family and friends. Especially as I watch Daniela doing all there is to do daily to make this therapy work then add in taking care of the kids and the household - doing this from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep - occasionally getting a break for an hour or two within any given week. I find myself thinking a lot about this world we live in and looking at life in ways I've yet to find a way to articulate.

I mean, I guess that's just what's so. And all there is to do is accept what's so. But last night for whatever reason, I found myself blood boiling mad about being in this situation. Having to alter our lives and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah in order to live. In order to live. WOW! Just getting my head around that every once in a while is such a trip. Sometimes I forget what this is all about - the seriousness of it all. Partially because I believe 100% in the Gerson Therapy I am doing. And, ya want to know what? I just want a break from all of this and, want to live, you do what you have to do. I can have my break once I'm in the clear. Nothing more to talk about and that's all this entry really is. Just letting you know how I'm doing and last night, well, I went to a very ugly place. A necessary road, but not a pretty one. And I'm glad I got it out. I mean, I'm no stranger to getting angry if I see reason to, but last night, even I was surprised.

I feel better today. Thanks.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Bert - I'm a friend of your mom's. I've been reading your blog regularly for a while now, ever since she sent out invitations to the fundraiser (sorry that I couldn't attend it) and I became aware of your situation.

    I really admire you (and your wife) for choosing this therapy, your courage in facing down this disease and your honesty in telling about your journey here in your blog. I imagine the blog serves an important therapeutic role.

    You have every right to feel angry and frustrated at your situation. Go ahead and vent. Remember that it's not only OK to do it, it's normal and it's necessary. I'm sure you already know this, but maybe it helps to be reminded every once in a while.

    I hope it helps you to know that many people like me are going along with you on your journey, and sending you quiet support in our thoughts and prayers. Strength and healing to you!