Fingers Crossed

Well, after writing the last blog entry on September 18, 2007 about wishing for a walk, I went as far as I could with my desire to go for a walk and settled for a very short drive with Daniela up to a field where we have gone for many walks in the past. We parked the car and sat on a blanket and soaked up the fresh air and a little sunshine here and there. We brought baby Beau and Max. It was such a treat. And...there was only one bug!

On another note, dinner was a disappointment. I found myself with a pretty good appetite, yet no desire to eat what sat before me. Again came my massive desire for comfort food (i.e., ANYTHING THAT I ACTUALLY DESIRE EATING!!!). I looked at my plate and could feel my throat contract. I ate a bite of my baked potato and nearly gagged. Okay...no potato this evening. I tried the spinach and actually made it through a few bites only to find my throat constricted at the thought of any more. So, I drank my soup as quickly as I could and that was that.

The emotions that went along with this lack of appetite - correction: lack of desire to eat from my Gerson menu - were the same ones that hit me the last time I was going through this. I certainly wouldn't call it overwhelmed, but more like pumped full of emotion - emotion that felt like a slew of tears were waiting to burst out of my face. I noticed they were there and available if I was up for it. Instead, I chose to just ignore it and stick with a blank stare at a plate of...well...food.

It still amazes me - and disappoints me - that there is such a powerful connection between emotion and food. I was imagining all types of delicious, greasy junk food sitting in front of me. Heavens knows I would probably be sick as a dog if I ate like that right now (not that I would!), but man-oh-man my mind was just going crazy thinking about not just junk food, but anything and everything that I would LOVE to eat, had I not committed myself to the Gerson Therapy. Hell, I'd probably cry tears of joy if I could just eat a single bowl of Cheerios!!!...and get away with it...

Well, it's time for me to turn off the computer and go eat my yogurt. whi-hew. yogurt. Ah, well. Tomorrow's another day and all this may just be gone when I wake up...[fingers crossed].