Friday, February 1, 2008

What I Have Been Avoiding

I just read a few entries from the blog of a woman surviving cancer. In her latest entry, she shared that she just had her scans and they were successful! In previous entries, she shared about the anger and frustration with "other things in life" as she anticipated her scans. As I read about her anger & frustration with how things are not going as she would like, I found myself not wanting to read the entires. It was getting to me and to be quite honest, I'm glad it did because it revealed to me some unfinished business. Or in other words it had me discover what I have been avoiding. I have not posted any blog entries about my upcoming cancer scans and tests. I had no intention of posting anything about the tests until after they happened in case they didn't go so well. And if they didn't, I would decide at that point what to do and then let you know.

I can see now that as long as I operate that way, any anxiety or fears about the tests not going well will completely own me. And you don't get to know what's going on with me or have the opportunity to support me. So, you're officially back on board! I'll keep you right in here with me. I'm not interested in carrying around buried anxiety & fears. They will only turn into hidden resentments - that I can then take out on the people I love??? Yeah, right. I'll pass on that.

With that being said, on Monday my PET scan and MRI will be scheduled for, hopefully, sometime quite soon. And as soon as I have a date I will let you know when they will be.

Have a great weekend and thanks for everything!


  1. So do you think Toph's Gints gotta chance? I do. I am not betting the house on it, but I think it is going to happen. What are you doing for the game?

  2. Reply to madcup:

    Sure they do! That's one game where anything's possible.

    I may go to a neighbor's (since I don't have cable or antennae). The only catch is that I have to lay down on the couch where ever I go! Not the most gracious's still up in the air. You? Send me an email:

  3. Sending the very best wishes and excellent vibes your way for successful tests on Monday! :)

  4. Go Robert!Thanks for your kind words...I also tend not to tell people about what is going on. For example, I quit smoking (19 years ago) and never said a word about it to anyone! Some people did not figure it out for months! I always figured that if I failed, then I would not have also to deal with other people's feeling about my failure. Trouble is, it leaves me isolated and people feeling that they don't really know me. I'm seriously working on that and I'm often not very good at it. The blog is scary in that regard and is stretching me.
    I'm most interested in how you manage Gerson Therapy. I do pieces of it (juice, and coffee enemas). I'll read around for any discussion of that on your blog. My hat is off to you cleaning and clearing and getting all the toxins (and stones - ouch) out to give your body a chance to heal!

  5. Reply to cindy:

    Just to clarify, I intend to schedule to tests on Monday and hopefully they will be very soon.

    Thanks for your good words!

  6. I hope for the very best possible results for you on your PET and MRI scans. Way to let go of your anxieties communicating about these things.