Friday, January 11, 2008

Blind Spot?

I have noticed a pattern I have when it comes to discomfort and/or pain. My attitude becomes less hopeful when I am experiencing discomfort and verges on hopeless when I am in a lot of pain. I am clear there is nothing wrong with feeling less than inspired when I am experiencing pain and/or discomfort and I have a commitment to maintain my positive attitude when these instances arise.

I am clear that the pain is temporary and will pass, yet I notice that I always go to the same way of being when I experience it. I become sad and without hope. It's starting to seem like my default setting for response to pain/discomfort is a pre-programmed response - not gauged on the degree of discomfort, but instead an automatic emotional response that even precedes my assessment of the experience - jumping the gun a bit.

So, I am going to begin by forgiving my body for having cancer. When the thought of forgiving myself for having cancer first crossed my mind, it seemed a bit silly and unnecessary - I DIDN'T DO IT! But I know myself well enough to keep a look out for such thoughts because when I feel angry, judgmental, resentful...I tend to look for an outside source to blame - you know, i start off selfish. If I can't find one, I will turn it inward and blame myself and that would certainly have a huge impact on my well-being.

From where I stand, I don't detect any thoughts of self-judgment for having cancer, but I am clear that we all have blind spots - ways of being that we can not see, or to put more precisely, ways of being we tend to overlook and not notice. I will look and see what's there for me and let you know.


  1. If you need someone to blame, if it helps you through the tough times, if it eases your pain, I will take full responsibility.

  2. Speaking of which, we need to talk...