Sunday, January 6, 2008

Inspiration and a Lack of the Same

Today I heard a very inspiring and true story. It was told by a man who was meeting with an organization made up of parents of developmentally disabled children. He began by talking about the perfection of all things in the universe. He then went on to share about his son, Chyla, who did not have the ability that other boys his age had. Chyla could not remember facts like the other kids and couldn't accomplish the simple things that most kids his age could. Chyla's father then looked at the congregation and asked, "Where is the perfection in my child?" The congregation was silent and a bit taken back by the man's question; they didn't have a response.

He continued on and told them how he and Chyla had recently gone for a walk in the neighborhood. During their walk they saw some boys Chyla knew playing baseball. Chyla asked his father, "Do you think they'll let me play?" His father responded, "Why don't you go ask them, bud?" So Chyla walked up to one of the boys and asked if he could play. The boy knew Chyla didn't even know how to hold a bat, so he looked to his friends for direction but got none. So, the boy decided to allow Chyla to play on their team. He said it was the bottom of the eight inning and they were already down by six and he didn't see any reason to not let Chyla play. Chyla was given a glove and assigned to "short-center field."

In the ninth inning, Chyla's team began make a comeback. Eventually, they were only down by two runs and with two kids on bass, his team had the opportunity to make a comeback. It was now Chlya's turn to bat. He walked up to home plate and waited for his pitch. The pitcher took a few steps in closer to the plate and lobbed a nice soft pitch to Chyla. Chyla swung and missed.

Then a boy came out from the dugout and held the bat with Chyla. The pitcher moved in a few more steps and lobbed another soft pitch to Chyla. This time Chyla hit the ball and it softly rolled to the pitcher. "Run, Chyla, run!" yelled the boy who had helped him hit. As Chyla ran to first base, the pitcher picked up the ball and threw it over the head of the first baseman. Chyla reached first based safely; this was the first time Chyla had ever run to first base. "Run to second!" cried the other kids, because Chyla was uncertain what to do next. Understanding the intention of the pitcher and his fellow players, the first baseman threw the ball over the head of the 2nd baseman and Chyla safely made it to 2nd base.

At that point, the shortstop from the opposing team directed Chyla to third base and more kids began to cheer him on. The 2nd basemen overthrew the ball to third and at this point Chyla was being cheered on by all the kids on both teams. As Chyla landed his foot on home plate, the kids picked him up - cheering - and carried him on their shoulders. Chyla had made the winning hit and won the game. On that day, Chyla's father experienced his son's perfection - his son's presence gave others the opportunity to bring perfection to the world by who they're being with others..

This is where you want to read no more if you want to be left with inspiration. I was very moved by this story as I heard it, yet today I don't feel so inspired. Last night, I was wide awake until 5 am. I have no idea why but I could not sleep and that has definitely made today tough (although i did sleep until 11 am). Today I'm just tired of doing pain management each day; today I just want a break. And when I heard the story, I was moved by it because it is a beautiful story. Yet, I was also moved by it because today I want to experience the perfection of the universe and I don't feel it right now. I am very clear that all the support we have is in every way an experience of the universe's perfection. It is profound and a privilege to be the recipient of such generosity and love. And, I do not claim to always be in the space of gratitude.

Although I am grateful today, I am also tired of having to do pain management. The reality of the path I have chosen is that I must essentially find my way back through all that has led me here. And what has led me here to this place, where cancer is living in my body, is over-toxification - too much toxicity. So, as you know, I am in the process of detoxifying to heal my body. And as I move these toxins through my body, I have no choice but to experience them and to feel them as they move out. Yes, pain management very much has it's place in such a process. And today I am honestly just sick of the whole thing.


  1. You remind me of the definition of the word "courage".
    It is to be afraid and to do it anyway. I'm not implying that you are afraid, just damn bored. And yet you continue. That is also courage.
    love you dearly,

  2. Sending warm, good thoughts and vibes your way. I hope they help you through this bad spot in the ebb-and-flow cycle. The progress you've been making - and your reflections and optimism about it - have been wonderful. Remember all the times you've felt terrible, and then been surprised and delighted to find yourself feeling much better... it will happen again! :)